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The Emmys are still the Fredo Corleones of the Hollywood crime family – they want respect, but they’re lucky if they have a little pity and / or a banana daiquiri every now and then. They are always eclipsed by their more glitzy, glamorous, and drunkier siblings. But even by Emmy standards, the 73rd annual event was a tiresome mess. If the entertainment scale has “Bowen Yang’s shoes” on one end and “Dr. Phil comedy skit” on the other, this long, dark night of gold has hit the charts up “The Queen’s Gambit the director reads a speech twice as long as the show. The whole show looked like a long coffin flop.
These were the first post-pandemic Emmys, a year after Jimmy Kimmell joked “Welcome to the Pandemmys” in an empty room. They had the opportunity to remind everyone what we all missed about the old fashioned awards festivals in the hall. Instead, it’s like they’ve decided to remind everyone what sucks about them. You know it’s a rough night when it starts with Rita Wilson spitting bars on a Biz Markie classic – and that turned out to be one of the strong points. Jason Sudeikis and Jean Smart deserved better. Michaela Coel deserved better. And Bowen Yang’s shoes deserved better.
Ted Lasso, The Crown, Easttown mare, and (surprise) Hacks were big winners, so the event should have been a lot livelier. Cedric the Entertainer did his best as a host, starting with his star performer from Biz’s “Just a Friend”. (Think back, Mandy Moore!) LL Cool J paid a touching tribute to his hip-hop colleague OG, representing Queens as always. But then, oh snap, guess what I saw: Michael Douglas throwing the bass and Catherine Zeta-Jones throwing the midrange. It was that kind of night. The Emmys were obviously ripping off the Golden Globes by cramming all these celebrities at tables in a cozy little room – a smart move, considering we might never see a Globes gala again. Sadly, the Globes do this sort of thing better, turning it into a mess of binge drinking.
Seth Rogen summed up what many of us felt watching the crowd: “There is waaaay too many of us in this little room. what are we doing? They said it was outside. It’s not! They lied to us! He laughed nervously, but he looked genuinely bewildered. “We are currently in a hermetically sealed tent. I would not have arrived there! Why is there a roof? It’s more important that we have three chandeliers than making sure we don’t kill Eugene Levy tonight!
Jason Sudeikis won for Ted Lasso, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Some of us wanted him to make another dazed and confused speech citing Tolstoy like he did at the Golden Globes this year, but he went for a softer vibe in a corduroy suit and bow tie. When he said, “So… one hell of a year,” we all felt it. He also shouted at his former boss on SNL. “I want to thank Lorne, who’s gone to the dump right now. Perfect – oy yo yo. Somehow it sums up the warmth and humanity that made her show a highlight of a year where we needed all the highlights we could get.
Hacks was a surprise stealth champion all night long, but no one took advantage of the moment like legend Jean Smart, always the most stylish woman in any room. She received one of the warmest and most affectionate standing ovations of the evening when she won the award for Best Leading Actress in a Comedy Series. (She was also nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress, Limited Series for Easttown mare.) She paid a touching tribute to her late husband. It was a moment of real drama and emotion. Of course, they played it.
Michaela Coel donated the speech of the night, after winning the award for best writing for his groundbreaking and devastating work on I will destroy you. But his speech was a very resonant work of art in itself, packing so much insight and drama in just a few minutes. She started off by saying, “I just wrote a little something for writers, really” – but it was a lot more than that, and her words hit home. “Write the story that scares you, that makes you feel uncertain. It is not comfortable. His advice to fellow writers: “Nowadays visibility seems to be synonymous with success. Don’t be afraid to disappear from her, from us, for a while, and see what comes to you in silence. She dedicated her story “to every survivor of sexual assault”. It was a powerful moment, and it made the rest of the series even slower and smug.
RuPaul had one of the most moving moments of the night, after RuPaul’s Drag Race won the best competition series. This made Ru the most awarded black artist in Emmy history. Ru, surrounded by competitors, had a message for the local audience: “For you watching children, you have a tribe waiting for you. We are waiting for you. Go home to Mama Ru.
Olivia Colman, one of the best things to ever come out of England, won for playing one of the worst. (She won an Emmy for The crown, but she really deserved it for Peep Show.) Gillian Anderson also won for playing an even more dismal relic of British history in The crown (Margaret Thatcher), but it’s always cool to see Anderson win anything. Especially since it is only a few weeks after David Duchovny released his third album and dropped the hole on The chair. (The truth? SO MUCH over there!) Josh O’Connor and Tobias Menzies also won for the Netflix show; the fact that the English monarchy reached its ultimate fate as a source of cheap fun for Americans is a joke Henry James should have lived to see.
Hannah Waddingham and Brett Goldstein won for Ted Lasso, just like Kate Winslet, Evan Peters and Julianne Nicholson for Easttown mare. John Oliver gave an extremely moving toast to Conan O’Brien and the late Norm Macdonald when he won for Last week tonight. Ewan McGregor did like a suave gentleman bandit picking up his prize for Halston. As for the actors of color? Not a single one has won in any acting category, yet another embarrassment for the Emmys.
Amy Poehler was able to present an award towards the end, positively beaming with joy that she was not welcoming the fiasco. She asked a relevant question on behalf of the audience: “What time is it and how do we get out of here?” Conan O’Brien had more fun hiding in the crowd and losing than most of the winners. All night long, as soon as the show had a real dramatic moment – Jean Smart or Jason Sudeikis winning – the big Emmys couldn’t shut them up and play them fast enough. What’s the point of silencing the stars to make room for comedy sketches where the punchline is “Wait, Fred Savage is no longer famous?”
It all led to the insanely silly moment when the show coldly ended for a speech by the President of the Television Academy. It was a self-parody Emmy disaster, we wondered if it was Tim Robinson making a I think you should go little under makeup, beard and glasses. (I expected him to start talking about sloppy steaks.) Conan brilliantly eclipsed him by hopping to his feet and urging the crowd to give a standing ovation. When Conan saluted, it was a joke for hardcore rewards junkies: he was giving Stephen Spielberg’s much-mocked salute to Bill Clinton at the 2013 Golden Globes. God bless Conan – a man who knows his junk story -TV.
The producers made the bizarre decision to read the nominees, and so Bring out the presenter, who added a minute or two of dead air to each prize – a rookie mistake. It really backfired when they paused Kerry Washington in the middle of presenting Best Supporting Actor in a Drama to pay a hasty and awkward tribute to the late Michael K. Williams … right before he don’t win for Lovecraft Country.
The In Memoriam Loop hit harder than usual, which is natural since we’ve lost so many TV legends this year. But there was something particularly raw and painful about seeing Michael K. Williams in the cut, far too soon, when we all hoped for decades of more shine from one of television’s greats. The Emmys could have used his mind a lot more.
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