Summary of Season 8 of episode 3 of Game of Thrones: The Ice Man arrives

Great spoilers to come, obviously.

Oh hello guys! That's the Claire girl here in time for another Game of Thrones recap and we're excited to see what there is to do …

Shit sweet and merciful, what have they done! WHY WILL THEY DO IT TO US ?!

Eight years ago, you started watching this fun new HBO show that promised some sexy defeats at Ren Faire. Instead, you had eight years of pure passion. emotional horror like George R. R. Martin has systematically crushed your dreams. And Sunday night, those dreams were crushed again.

It's true, suckers keep coming back: season 8, episode 3 is here! At 82 minutes, it was long (it's almost half of an Avengers: Endgame). If you missed it, here is how you can watch it.

While episode 1 was meeting soup and episode 2 was all about sexy momentsthese moments of joy are gone. Like small wildflowers springing from the graves of dead heroes, they brought comfort in the darkness of Game of Thrones. And now, these flowers have been ripped off brutally by voracious birds, determined to cut down everything that is close to your heart. Do not sleep anymore, these ravens of hell are crying! David Benioff and D. B. Weiss murdered sleep!

Sorry, I just need it for a moment. I do not have a moment? Awesome. Bring him, shake!

???Ring the Klaxon spoiler and give up hope, you who enter here???

The king of the night arrives

The whole beginning of this episode is an anticipated class act. The armies of Winterfell had their big slumber party before the battle and are ready to face the dead, but what form will the dead take? How will they fight? Nobody learned this at the combat school.

We open ourselves to the trembling hands of Samwell Tarly arming himself with Dragonglass and making his way to the front line. The Unsullied are ready to defile and the Dothraki are ready to Doth-Wreck. What is it? The red woman, aka Lady Melisandre, has arrived! Super practical, since they fight ice monsters and we all know that fire beats the ice (unless it is not the case with power). The red woman lights Dothraki's weapons and we see a flame sweep their army, much like this moment of fireworks when you turn on all your Bengal lights to the person next to you.

But in a scene that will really make you wish that you have adjusted blacks on your terrible TV (there are many), the Dothraki meet the warriors in the distance and their hooks of flames extinguish very quickly.

Oh dear. It's … suboptimal.

Dial Z for Zombie

The warriors are ready to fight and here they are walking. Watching the battle, Jon and Dany hang out in their pretty outfits and weigh the options. Jon is eager to fill up the dragon so early in the room. "The king of the night is coming!" he discusses. "The dead are already here," Dany replies. Sugar. We go with dragons then.

The battle turns briefly – the fire still beats the ice – but an icy silence settles soon and we realize that our fire is not good around these parts. The fire is sucked in, the dragon's flames are muffled and everyone has that look, "Oh shit, that was our ace in the hole." On the ramparts, Arya quickly sends Sansa into the crypt with a dagger in Dragonglass.

"Stick them with the pointed end," she says. Man, when she was in college with faceless men, she was clearly specializing in Knifemanship.

Oh yes, this episode is good. I have already finished my cup of tea and we have not seen a major death yet!

Fire is walking with me

I spoke too early! Back on the battlefield, Sam becomes a little useless, so his old friend Eddison Tollett, a member of Night Watch, comes to his rescue. It can not end well! And this is not the case.

Major Death # 1: Ed is dead, baby.

The dragons have retreated into the clouds and usually fly a little useless. We need fire, they have it, but instead, their GPS dragon was upset by the ice clouds and they literally bumped into each other. Downstairs, it's not much better. Ser Davos tries to guide the Daenerys dragon plane with two large fire sticks, but the dragons can not see.

Enter the red woman, who magic the trench defenses light. The Hound, which is nearby, does not like it aggressively.

The ice man comes

In the crypt, Sansa arrives with a "Look, do you want bad news or bad news?" face. She and Tyrion squat and exchange stories about their wedding – a heart-felt moment that is sorely lacking in a room until here devoid of any interesting narrative.

"Maybe we should have stayed married," Tyrion murmured.

"You were the best of them," Sansa said before Tyrion replied, "What a terrifying thought." Well, but it's a very bad list, Ty.

No time for the skull, we are at the brain tree! Bran is super cool but he still has time to reassure Theon. "Everything you did brought you where you are," he says. "Where you belong, house."

But if Theon wanted a moment, he will not get it. Seconds later, Bran throws a "I'm going now" and, like Poochie, he's on his home planet. His eyes turn gray and he is in raven mode! Did you think your TV feed was bad before? Prepare to see her become a full potato while a murder of black crows flies over a dark night sky to reach the dark gray Night King. Or, if you are me, a bunch of color-coded ink on a darker ink background. Adjust your blacks!

The battle is raging

Inside the castle, Arya starts killing heavyweights with the custom Knifey-Spoony weapon that Gendry gave her (it was not the only weapon he gave her, Ammiright ?!and it is clear that his years at the No-Face Academy have really paid off. She graduated Magna Cum Stabby and we are all very impressed.

But there is no time to be impressed because a giant I just entered the castle and it's joking. This terrified the dog. Listen, to be fair, he always said that he was not good with fire. He was very open with that.

"We can not beat death!" he is crying.

But Beric "I want to marry the fire" Dondarrion does not want it. "Say her that, "he replies with a wink at Arya, who is still doing crazy superhero stuff.

Nevertheless, if we have a moment when the ladies are great, they are about to be ripped off. The baby bear Lyanna Mormont was seized by King Kong by the giant and is slowly crushed. (Fun aside: it was the first time our video stream decided to buffer! Suspense!) But do not worry, we're back and Lyanna is killing the giant in the eye. But it's still too late.

Major Death # 2: Lyanna Mormont is no longer of the month.

Above the clouds, Viserion the dead evil dragon arrives but Drogon (mounted by Dany) and Rhaegal (ridden by Jon) are still trying to find a way to sneak under the clouds. Ahh dragons. Very inflamed but not very good on directions. Viserion blows blue flames, but it's a bit confusing and our first dragon battle is over even before it's started.

Return to Winterfell Castle. Arya has no weapons and sneaks into a library filled with warriors. This is easily the best library scene since the Breakfast Club! Arya escapes by literally throwing the book at them. THANK GOD. Outside, she meets the dog and Beric. But those nasty library goers are back and they are angry to have a book thrown at them. Beric is stabbed at least five times (the excellent sound effects have helped me count).

They barricade each other in a room where the red woman is waiting for them. Beric begins to fade. Can we have a coup de grace, Beric? You still have, like, three reloads left right? No die.

Major Death # 3: Beric's flame was extinguished & # 39; Dondarrion.

Arya does not have time for sentimentality. She put her boots on today and they were barely worn!

"What do we say to the god of death?" the red woman asks him, giving him the blessing to do the said murder.

"Not today," Arya answers.

This is true! Not today, Satan! (Yes, I would definitely watch the Ru Drag Ruin / Race of Thrones crossover).

Are we there already?

Despite these boss moments, the knot tightens on Winterfell. At Godswood, Bran is still at VR Raven and Theon and his companions are trying to contain the forces of death by themselves. At this point, Bran will have to prove himself powerful enough after spending most of the episode until now at a giant crow party.

Before we can talk about Bran's life choices, we're back in the clouds with the dragons. And it's time for a fashionable old-fashioned dragon fight! Jon Snow and the king of the night fight on the back of their noble airs and the king of the night falls. Would not it be great if it killed him and we finished? Alas no. Looking from the top, Dany puts Drogon in full pyrolytic cleaning mode to try to melt the endless crap of the Night King. No, sorry.

Here we learn that he can both survive the flames of a dragon and he can smile.

But just as you were going to think about the Dark King's emotional reach, he does his job of raising Evita's arms and waking up the dead.

Slow editing, we're screwed

You know this moment at a house party where someone removes his shirt, turns Turn to Turn to What to the maximum volume of the stereo and starts to turn plans to sambuca?

That's where we are right now – the music is getting intense, the slow motion is going on and everybody has understood that the probabilities are impossible and that they are all fucked up.

On the castle grounds, Jon runs for Bran, the bait of the king of the nights. Viserion is spoiling everything around him in blue flames (a bit like your companion with fiery sambuca shots). Jon is desperate.

In the trenches, after spending the whole episode flying too high, Drogon is now inexplicably unable to leave the ground and gets attacked by ghosts. He leaves, leaving Dany to fight the dead. She was ready for this battle in that she was wearing a soft fur cape, but she is not ready to fight. At the last moment, she is saved by Ser Jorah who helps her stay firm.

The slow piano is there and we see one after the other our favorite characters in the claws of death: Jorah is stabbed, Brienne is bombarded by seers, Sam cries on the ground (classical) and things seem worse.

And at Godswood, Theon is all by himself fighting monsters, like someone who has a lot of redemption to do.

The last brutal moment

Like a child coming out of a seven-hour Warcraft session, Bran has finally decided to join us at the dinner table. He woke up and it's just in time too. The king of the night and his white walkers arrived in the fortress at a time that I mentally saved under the name "walkingintotheclublike.gif" and this is the

Bran looks up at Theon, who has made an arrow and spread the dead, but he has come back to that point.

"Theon," he says. "You are a good man, thank you."

A single tear flows on Theon's cheek when he realizes that it's his last hour. And lo and behold, as he had heard the cellos that joined the piano music in the background (signaling that he only had a few seconds of time on television), he ran to the Night King and is impaled.

Cut to Bran: Yes, no biggy. A plus, my brother.

Major Death # 4: Theon is the off.

The cellos are crescendo, and we cut between the main theaters of battle. Jon and Viserion in the walls of the castle. Dany and Jorah (who keeps getting stabbed) in the trenches.

And at the center of it all, the king of the night slowly advancing on Bran (but not before we have a nice picture of his gnarled nails – that's it when I knew it really wrong.)

This is the king of the night and Bran. Old Man Winter vs. Millennial Crow Boy. And they look at each other, blinking, like, "Did I go to school with you?"

But just when the king of the night is about to put an end to everything, Cropp's Holy Mother arrives here ARYA!

How do you like this face, Night King ?! She lifts her blade to hit, but he chokes it and drops the blade. No! But she does not need to see things with her eyes to know what she's doing. Bam! The blade falls from her other hand and she stabs him in the Night Gut!

We are all screaming and it is the best thing that is.

White Walkers turn into ice crystals! Warriors fall to the ground! The battle is over and we can all go to the bathroom!

Goodbye, my lover. Goodbye my friend

This is the final coda. We have seen Jorah get stabbed and here is the expulsion he deserves. Dany cries as he bleeds, crying rather complicated feelings. Drogon rocks and wraps a protective wing around them. We do not deserve dragons!

Major Death # 5: Ser Jorah Mormont enters this large zone of friends in the sky.

Back at the castle, the hunting dog and the red woman emerge. Melisandre had promised that she would have died before dawn and that she'd better die because the sun was rising. In her last boss movement, she stepped through the castle gates, removed her cape, and headed for the vacant lot on the battlefield. She removes her magic anti-aging collar (I swear it was an infinite stone in the middle) and walks in the snow. In the blink of an eye, she gets old one day (as we all saw this ridiculous episode) and dies.

Major Death No. 6: Red Death of the Red Woman.

The verdict

After a long episode, you have succeeded and we too! To be honest, I expected more brutal deaths and I thought I should say goodbye to some favorites. But the highlight was Arya from afar. It was nice to see the two youngest Starks join forces to end this. I would say that the woman did all the work while the guy was sitting there, but it would be cold even for this episode.

Of course, the battle for which we have been preparing since season 1 was over in one night. Of course, we could not see almost anything that was mixed with black, gray and a color that I will call "Iron Stone" (yes, my mother-in-law showed me paint samples on weekend ). And of course, it was like anticipating a very bad injection of tetanus and only getting a small flu shot (yes, I was vaccinated against the flu on weekends). But it was a cracker all the same!

We can now go back to the real game: the Game of Thrones. In the next three episodes, I sincerely wish for a long exploration of Westeros' policy, which leads to the creation of a constitutional democracy and a bicameral parliament.