[ad_1]
–
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were married less than a year ago, but rumors already speak of their alleged marital conflict. A royal commentator says that the American actress is a "pretty tough person" who makes her royal husband "miserable and moody".
I hope that rumors of discontent are not true, but if they are, maybe cross-cultural misunderstandings are the problem. It is not easy to be a woman of color in the whitest family in the world.
Fifty years ago, only 3% of marriages were intercultural. Now this number has exploded. Yet while it is encouraging to see that "love is love," "Love is everything you need" is not entirely true. Tact, empathy and patience are the essential ingredients of romantic success.
Markle must give birth to the couple's first child every day. My baby gift to Prince Harry is an intercultural relationship advice: from man to man, from WASP to WASP, ginger to ginger. As a white man who has frequented people through a mosaic of heritage, I made a lot of mistakes and learned that even an insensitive misstep could destroy a relationship.
If I could talk about "Her Royal Wickedness" (as Diana liked to call her younger son), I would say, "Harry, here are some tips to remember so that the Duchess of Sussex will not make you sleep in polo. stables. "
1. Do not assume that you know his background simply because you know his race. Derrick, from New York, and I met at the gym, united by a passion for running and dumbbells. After we started seeing each other at dinner, my African American date and I started telling stories about our childhood. "I grew up eating fried squirrels, green cabbage and tote bag," I said, explaining that my father was born into a poor family of sharecroppers in rural Arkansas. "Do you like the dishes of the countryside, too?" I asked.
"The mother was a Wilhelmina model," replied Derrick. He took a sip of water and let out a sigh. "Dad worked on Wall Street." We never have another date again.
Lesson: Make no assumptions, especially about the experiences of Meghan's life or those of his African-American family. Rather than fall back into easy stereotypes, lead with curiosity by asking open-ended questions, such as "Tell me about your favorite foods".
2. The fact that you are married to Meghan does not make you an "African American Honourary". At a Shabbat dinner where most of the guests, including my fiance Eddie, were Jewish, I said lightly, "Now that I'm engaged to a nice Jewish boy, I guess that makes me a honorary member of the "chosen people". "
The others exchanged glances. "Um. No, joked our impertinent friend Judy. "You look like a Nazi."
Eddie joined us. "Furthermore, in the 6,000 years since God spoke to Abraham, there has never been a single Jew named" Courtland. "
Lesson: Traditionally oppressed groups do not find it funny when an Anglo-Saxon man claims membership after centuries of persecution and suffering. Harry, this is especially true for a guy whose ancestors once owned a huge band of Africa and who were the ones who practiced the persecution. Recognize that the fight is real. Be an ally, but if the word "honorary" is ever spoken, let it be said of you, not by you.
3. Meaning can be lost in translation, even in the same language. After a few months of dating, Augusto, born in Cuba, and I exchanged a good night kiss before jumping into a taxi. "¡Adiós, gordito!", He says, which in his mother tongue literally means "Good bye, fat!". Speaking fluent Spanish, I understood her words perfectly and I started boiling during the taxi ride through the city.
Once at home, I called my boyfriend. "How dare you!" I say and break.
The next day, Augusto brought me a dozen roses as an excuse. "It's a term of tenderness. I'm calling my mom 'gorda' all the time!
"It's not because you're rude to your mother that I'll let you be rude," I replied. Later, my friend Rosa, a cubana, I said Augusto was right. Some Latinx people use this word in the same way that my friends and family in the South call themselves "darling". I tried to apologize to Augusto, but the damage was done.
Lesson: The language is difficult. "Fat" and "phat" mean very different things, and the differences in American English and British mean that when Meghan asks you to put on a "pants" because you have 15 minutes before dinner with the queen, she will talk about " pants, "No" underwear. "Opportunities for confusion – and fights – abound, breathe, ask for clarification, and if in doubt, contact a neutral party for a" translation. "Then you'll laugh together. Long live difference!
4. Be careful when she wants to share her culture. Simon was born in Hong Kong but moved to California as a teenager. He and I went out for a few months and became close. When he suggested watching his favorite movie, Mood of love, During one of our "Netflix and Chill" nights, I thought, "It's going too fast.
One night at Simon's, he had his beloved film ready. I stiffened. But, at the beginning of the credits, he explained that the original Chinese title meant "the age of the flowers". I relaxed. It was not a declaration of eternal affection.
As we sat side by side on his couch, Simon often stopped the picture, his voice full of nostalgia, indicating landmarks in his hometown. He made his own translations highlighting the nuances and double meanings missing in the subtitles. I loved the movie – and his comments made me feel like I had gone around a place I'd never been to. "
Lesson: Art is a bridge between people. Ask Meghan – and even her mother – to share favorite literature, art and music. This will demonstrate that you want to know more about their world view. If you already know one, ask yourself why he is touching your wife. You will learn more about her, which will help your love to become stronger.
–
What is your opinion of what you just read? Comment below or write an answer and submit your own point of view or reaction here in the red box below, which refers to our submissions portal.
◊ ♦ ◊
Sign up for our email Invitations to Write to receive inspiration in writing in your inbox twice a week.
Photo: Shutterstock
[ad_2]
Source link