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CHER ABBY: I was married to my first husband for 13 years and I was very close to his family. His parents and sister were like mine. We ended up getting divorced and the situation was extremely painful on both sides.
Her family wanted to keep in touch with me afterwards because she still loved me. I felt the same way, so we stayed connected via Facebook and some occasional phone calls. After my remarriage, their phone calls have become less frequent, but we still stay connected on Facebook and we send messages from time to time.
Six years have passed since my divorce and we are moving further away, as they often post pictures of my ex and his new wife, who became their daughter in my place. It is painful because it reminds us that our relationship is fading. I miss them and the wonderful times we spent together that we will never come back.
Sometimes I wonder if it was healthy for any of us to stay in touch, since we will never see each other in person, and our online connection only makes us sad that things are not not like before. Should I politely cut ties or continue to hold the frayed end of this little flap of proximity that we have left? How can I let such wonderful people go in my life? And yet, are not they already lost to me? – HURTING EX-GIRL IN LAW
Dear wounded: As the circumstances of life change, the intensity of relationships can do the same. That says a lot about the one you had with your in-laws, who have been in touch with you all this time. However, you and your ex are remarried and your life has taken different paths. Because seeing the messages of the new wife hurts you, stop looking at them and focus your energies on the life you have now. If you do, you will be happier.
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CHER ABBY: I recently left my job for several reasons. I was more satisfied with my job and was overwhelmed by the demands of my job and by participating in a graduate program. I told my boss that I felt very stressed about working for them since the beginning of my graduate program. She supported and said that "the door was always open" and that I could go back into the future.
Shortly after resigning, I asked him twice for a letter of recommendation. To my dismay, she never responded. I had personally taken it for almost five years, working with him. Abby, am I saying that out of proportion, or should she have had the usual courtesy of replying? Is it normal for companies to ignore their former employees when they ask for a letter of recommendation for another job? – CONFUSED IN THE WEST
DEAR CONFLICT: In some states, it can be risky for a company to provide a letter of recommendation. This is why, if potential employers ask for information, they are only informed of dates when the person was employed in that country, for fear of legal liability. It may be for this reason that your former employer did not want to write one for you.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby to www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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COPYRIGHT 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500
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