His best jokes – Deadline

Jimmy Kimmel burned a bit more land than usual during his 16th appearance at ABC, an appropriate increase in its size and intensity given the huge, merged deal that featured not just ABC, but also the expanded Disney portfolio.

Of course, Kimmel has not missed the opportunity to take snapshots about Disney's networked asset cluster over the past few months. After reinforcing his home port at ABC and signing a three-year contract extension, he sharpened the knife as usual, but in some ways he was less brutal on his own network than on the competition. Along the way, President Donald Trump, Constance Wu, the Disney-Fox deal and many other targets were in the sights of this late-night comedy.

Here are some of the best lines:

– Channing Dungey, former president of ABC Entertainment, who holds a management position at Netflix: "I can not believe Channing left us for Netflix. Who does she think, our viewers? To let us work for Netflix was to borrow a Yiddish term, such as Shonda. "

Walt Disney Studios in Burbank

– "I do that [upfront] so long, I remember when we were first Lost and Alias and Desperate housewives. These are the days when Felicity Huffman only play an intriguing suburban mother. "

– "This year is special. This is a historic start for this company. I have been flying here for years to tell you that the new series of ABCs are nil. This year, I'm here to tell you that the new FX shows, the new Nat Geo shows, they are all void too. Everything is together. "

– "We own Disneyland, we own Iron Man and we own Star wars. At this point, the only precious memory of your childhood that we do not have is to jerk off. What a year it was for Bob Iger …

– "What a year for us all. Roseanne is gone and measles is back. Remember last year when we all excited you Take two and The children are well and Roseanne and Mute? Well, canceled, canceled, racist, canceled. "

– On Wu's tweet about the renewal of Boat fees (which was posted on the big screen for participants): "Only on ABC does your show catch the worst thing that can happen to you."

– "Modern family was the rarest ABC show: a success. You do not see much of that in these areas. "

– About the Moonves collapse at CBS: "Do you remember last year when you cheered on Les Moonves? It was fun. Thanks! That, I still do not understand. I mean, how come a network whose logo is literally an eye did not see it coming? "

– "Meanwhile, at Fox, the Masked singer will be back for a second season. And here is Terry Bradshaw to tell us more. I am so disgusted that I missed that. Was it some sort of PSA concussion awareness? Terry Bradshaw and the Masked singer. What a stupid time to be alive. "

– "Poor Fox, though. They have nothing left. It is the network equivalent of the refrigerator of a divorced father. Eighteen to 49 is no longer even their demo. That's the number of people still working there. "

– "And NBC has the Olympics. Did they mention it? Congratulations to NBC. Once again, we have the right to watch the Olympics until No. 1. You are the chubby orthodontist with a Maserati of broadcast networks. "

– "The good news is that at ABC we have had a lot of focus groups. And the good news is that we know exactly what General Zers wants. The bad news is that it's Netflix. F – kin 'Netflix. They even signed Obama. Obama organizes television shows and Trump runs the country. If it's not the case Horrible Friday-type bullsh-t, i do not know what that is.

– "Parents, with Disney +, you have the choice. You can either pay $ 7 for Disney +, or raise your own children. "

– "It's getting bad. By the end of the year, 34% of homes would not even have traditional TV with advertising. But the good news is that if you look under your seats you will find a cyanide capsule. Wash with a little Whiskey Cavalier. [Disney ad sales chief] Rita Ferro said, "The future of television is television." Even Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, "What kind of bulls … do you tell them?