[ad_1]
Dear Amy: Help! I have three grown children, including two doctors.
The last two gatherings became ugly when my son had a fight with my daughter. He can not let the little things go and he tends to over-analyze the behavior of anyone (he is a psychologist). He still believes that the other person is wrong and he is right.
We can not broadcast that, and it is reflected in the next day by SMS. My husband and I are caught in the middle.
I am at the end of the roller and I need to solve the last argument.
The argumentation before this one lasted four months.
It's so hurtful and I lose sleep. HELP ME!
– Upset mom
Dear Mom, You do NOT need to solve the last argument.
According to your description, your son seems to be a dominant bully. How did it happen this way? Perhaps there are clues in how you have parented, tolerated and even activated. It's something to think about and – if so – own.
I suspect that your own engagement, worry, and anxiety about her behavior and sibling relationship will keep you a passive and agitated witness. Take back your own power.
You have the right and the responsibility to establish and enforce fundamental limits regarding the behavior presented to your home. It's Your Home Your adult children are not bickering teens, but guests.
Your son's beliefs matter little when he is at your table. His behavior matters.
These two siblings can be forever a mixture of oil and water. They will both have to learn that even if at home, apart from garden clashes, some unpleasant behavior will not be tolerated.
You and your husband should get out of all the texting fights.
You must also prepare to react to the next explosion in person.
I suggest a simple and firm way: "Nope, we do not do it, stop it, please" without any other personal commitment.
Otherwise, you should treat your son like any other invader at the home of the belligerents and ask him to leave – or you leave.
It is his turn to ruminate and fall asleep because of his behavior. As a psychologist, he should have the insight and tools to change.
Dear Amy, How are you when your life was mainly composed of regret and disappointment?
I have a milestone birthday coming up and I'm thinking about my life. I do not want to celebrate much.
I feel loved but not supported by my family and I worry all the time for them. I work hard and I am respected, but my career does not satisfy me. I have consulted more than once in years, alone and with my partner. It's not going anywhere.
I know that I am depressed. Medications help, but do not solve the problems of life. I am cheerful and smiling, and hardly anyone knows my inner feelings. I have wonderful friends, I volunteer, I do exercise and I enjoy some activities, but I'm not happy.
I am stuck and tired of trying so hard without real satisfaction. Where am I going from here?
– Stuck and tired
Dear Stuck, Medications can make your depression symptoms manageable, but no medication can solve the problems of life.
Sometimes you can not solve the problems of life either. The trick is to learn to cope with events, problems and feelings that arise. I think of it as "sitting in my discomfort" and understand that, overall, life is hard, but challenges can (sometimes) bring special meaning and understanding. And sometimes, life just seems to be dead, and only reading poems, walking in a garden center or viewing a few episodes of my favorite sitcom lifts me up. This is a basic self-medication.
I do not think you should always smile your way through your days. S open to others could help you feel more connected. You have the makings of a philosopher because you look into the existential emptiness – and you feel it. In the end, this could be your best gift.
Dear Amy: "Disgusted" complained that a grandmother had told her granddaughter of academic age not to be raped or pregnant.
This seems to me to be an obvious and wise advice.
Let's hope the girl will remember her son's advice and take it into account!
– Dennis
Dear Dennis, I publish this answer as an example of many similar answers that I have received, all of which reflect the attitude that "telling a girl not to be raped" is a acceptable way to convey his concern.
We have a lot of work to do.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson by email at [email protected].) Readers can send a mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
[ad_2]
Source link