Ed Smart talks about his decision to become gay

In this letter, originally intended for his family and friends, he spoke of his separation from his wife, Lois, and indicated that he no longer felt he had a place in the Church of God. Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On Friday, this nationally recognized child safety advocate spoke to The Salt Lake Tribune about his decision to live openly as a homosexual, the way his release was reported in the media and in the way it has spread and the reaction it has elicited.

Here are excerpts from this conversation:

"I mean, I knew it would probably happen at some point, just because people can not leave things in peace. I thought it would happen at some point, but my intention was to write to my friends and my family, you know that my extended family … knew where the situation was. So, you know, I was really worried about starting the rumor, "said the 64-year-old.

Smart added that he had already heard rumors about his marital status (Lois had filed for divorce on July 5) and that he wanted to re-establish the facts. He was, however, discouraged by the way in which the story was initially portrayed in The Tribune and elsewhere that he had published a public message on social media before removing it.

"This gives the impression that, you know, I posted on Facebook to make this statement and so on, which, you know, I thought it would end up coming out, but [making a public post]It was not my intention. "

But, he said, he did not feel obliged to go out and he does not feel he has been unduly criticized by the media.

"I mean, that's what it is. And I knew that at some point, it would come out. I did not know when it would happen, so I would prefer it to be the way it was rather than circulating rumors, and you know how crazy things can get. "

"I think that in April, I started to feel the need to prepare something, because during Elizabeth's ordeal, some things were said, and that was not what I meant, and I did not would not allow this to happen again. "

(When covering the kidnapping of her daughter in 2002, two Tribune reporters sold information, some fabricated, to the National Enquirer, which published an article blaming the Smart family, including the story. Ed Smart's sexual orientation The two journalists were fired and the publisher of Tribune at the time was replaced.)

"I had a lot of trouble getting to this point (going out). Two years ago, I realized that I was not broke, that I was basically gay. And so I kept trying to find a way to reconcile myself, and I tried so hard. I never want to look back with regret. I've therefore done what I consider to be a very big effort to try to make sure I do not look back and think that I've made the biggest mistake of my life. "

But, he said, it's more than self-evident. He wants others to know that it's good to be gay.

"People say, 'you chose it,' or 'circumstances put you in that position', and I absolutely do not believe it at all. I think I was born that way and that has never changed in my life. … you know, growing up, being gay was the worst thing you could be, and I mean it 's not like what it is today, "he said. .

"For men who are fighting in the same position, I know it's so hard to get out. A few months ago, I was talking to someone who said, "Well, Ed, the suicide rate among young people is high, but it doubles in men who go out like you," and I I was really taken seriously. I'm quite taken aback, but I can certainly understand, because it totally upsets what you've built all your life and the debate about whether you should or not, or, you know, I've learned that There were so many living their lives, but they go to the side, and that was something I absolutely could not do to Lois. "

"It's really a relief. I do not consider myself broken anymore, "he said. "You know, (before going out), I followed my own restorative therapy trying to repair myself: what's wrong with me? Why do I have these feelings? I went to the temple three or four times a week and studied, prayed and tried to repair myself.

Smart declined to comment further on his change of belief, which he referred to in his letter. however, he gave some hints about his religious philosophy regarding his sexuality:

"I never identified myself as gay. I mean, I realized that I had an attraction for men, but I also sincerely believed in the church, that you had to get married and that you had to have children and that was the purpose of this life, and you know, I lived. and I did my best. "

He added that, as far as he knows, he remains a member of the church in good standing.

"They were very kind to me. I think it was very difficult to have that kind of going out of nowhere. I do not think any of them knew that I was struggling with that, so it was something they were, if you want to call it, blindly. I totally understand that. They really were very wonderful. "