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Dear Amy: In the era of "smart homes", where everything can be synchronized with an application with notifications, are we wrong to feel a loss of confidentiality?
I work at home, so I am mainly at home during the day.
My husband receives alerts every time the door is open. If a package is delivered, it receives an image of the package. It can track the electricity consumption of our solar production. He can turn off the lights and open the skylight from his phone.
Today, he wrote to me that I should not run the dryer at certain rush hours. He then turned it off remotely!
I have nothing to hide, but I am more and more annoyed that my own actions are followed.
He manages me from afar!
How should I handle this?
– Living in the future
Dear Living: I think you should send a big bunch of flowers and have it delivered during your husband's prime time, which, I suppose, lasts all day.
On the card, write: "Thank you for stopping looking at me, darling. I do not like it. "
I want people to be more aware of the potential negative impact of these devices and systems on our personal lives and relationships.
For example, your husband, who can not resist the temptation to control you and your home, probably has more privacy in an overcrowded office than at home.
Once you have abandoned your privacy and your freedom to make choices, including mistakes, without interference, what are you left with? A continuing relationship with Big Brother.
If you can not persuade your husband to respect your privacy and get away from you during the day, then you should find a collaborative workspace, a cafe or a garden shed in which you will escape his supervision.
Dear Amy: I am a 30 year old woman who lives with my boyfriend. I have had several weddings in recent years for friends and family and I am happy for all.
However, I am sick of attending wedding showers when the couple has lived together for years and is financially stable. He feels a hanging gift. The showers were for couples who were leaving their parent's house and were living together for the first time – "novice" people with empty houses.
The showers are also tied to the traditional roles of both genders – I feel foolish about buying kitchen utensils for the "Lindsey Shower" when I know it's her fiance doing the cooking.
Am I a curmudgeon? Many of these couples have lived together for years in furnished houses. Men and women will use objects, but do not expect their friends (and not men) to provide new household items. It is also a brutal reminder of the consumer culture in which people collect piles of waste they do not need.
My mother said that even if I was not present, I should still send a gift just because I was invited!
Who is right?
– Tired
Dear Fed Up: If an invitation alone required someone to offer a gift, we would all receive much less sincere invitations.
If you do not attend the shower, you are not required to send a gift (although some people choose to send gifts no matter).
I agree with you about consumer culture and gender roles. However, when you offer a gift during a shower, it is designed as a gift for both parties (and not all showers are a cis-type business). I also do not think it's up to you to decide if a couple "needs" tea towels or a blender. Attend with an open mind or do not attend.
Some couples marry creatively about showers; for couples who are already well equipped with traditional gifts of the shower type, I like the idea of a "charity shower", where customers are encouraged to bring food, items of toilet, school backpacks to fill or money for a charity of the couple. to choose.
Dear Amy: "Mutt Mama" had adopted an aggressive dog and wanted advice on how to keep others at bay.
A yellow ribbon or scarf attached to a leash or collar is a clear and easily recognizable sign that this dog is NOT friendly and DOES NOT APPROACH.
It would also give Mom a chance to educate those who may not have learned this lesson.
Congratulations to mom for taking this animal that may not have been adoptable.
– Lovers of dogs
Dear dog lover, Several people have pointed out that a scarf or yellow ribbon should be recognized by other dog owners as a way to give a broad opening. Thank you.
(You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or Facebook.)
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