I accidentally inhaled Flamin ‘Hot Mountain Dew through my nose, and I feel so alive

It was supposed to be a taste test. A can of Burning mountain dew would be delivered to me. I unwrapped it, chilled it in the fridge and tried it. But something went wrong and my nose ended up instead.

I received the box, which had been cleverly secured in a small flammable metal barrel for shipping. I couldn’t get the can out of its pocket, so I stuck the handle of a spoon against the side to release it. The box opened. Hot, flaming aerosolized soda, fresh out of the FedEx truck, exploded toward my face.

If you’ve ever breathed cayenne pepper, you’ll get an idea of ​​what I went through when Yellowstone’s bright red drinking geyser entered my nostrils. I coughed. I felt like I had swallowed gunpowder residue. I may have seen visions of the Cheetos mascot, Chester Cheetah, tap dancing on my kitchen counters.

Flamin ‘Hot Mountain Dew is a marketing masterpiece. It combines the citrus notes of Mountain Dew soda with the tangy flair of Flamin ‘Hot Cheetos. Both brands are owned by PepsiCo, so perhaps this marriage of flavors was inevitable.

Once my nose and throat calmed down, I embarked on a more traditional taste test. When I asked a marketing rep how the flavor would be described, she said “swicy”. Sweet and spicy. Precise. I’m not a huge fan of the bright red Cheetos snack, but I could go to town with the soda.

As a survivor of one of the hottest hot sauces in the world, I would say the heat level is relatively mild. There is a distinctive peppery updraft through the back of your throat and into your sinuses, even when you consume it properly through your mouth. The citrus and spice combo is more melodious than with the infamous French mustard beer.

Do you like flamboyant Cheetos? Do you like to make the dew? If that’s a yes to both, you’ll be in heaven with this gassy junk food consolidation.

Flamin ‘Hot MTN DEW (that’s the brand’s correct spelling these days) will be available on August 31 through the online Dew Store, but you’ll need to run your zip code to see if the store will ship to your location. It costs $ 12 per six pack.

It’s now been over an hour since I sucked tiny airborne particles of Flamin ‘Hot Mountain Dew into my schnoz. I still feel his presence, a whisper of zest and sugar lingering in my upper airways. A conspiracy of citrus and spices. I hear a voice echoing far from my soul: “swiiiiiicy.