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Lindsay Lohan once said her motto was “Live to the fullest – in moderation”. That’s a good maxim to live by, but especially during the over-the-top temptations of pumpkin spice season.
As soon as Starbucks releases its Pumpkin Spice Latte in September, we’re all tempted to put on our sweaters and boots and live our precious months of drink flavor to the fullest, but moderation is key to truly enjoying the cozy season. It’s far too easy to burn out on nutmeg, ruining the vacation ahead.
This is the case with Bud Light’s new limited-time “Fall Flannel” pack of seasonal flavored seltzer. Would we like to try a sip of a pumpkin and spice seltzer if we get the chance? Absoutely. YOLO. Live life to the fullest. Do we need a 12-pack of 12-ounce tallboys for a whopping $ 14.99 in each Bath, And Body Works-inspired body wash flavor? No, Bud Light, we don’t.
Yet here we are. Amid the growing popularity of hard seltzers, the light beer brewing company made something once considered a joke – a pumpkin and spice hard seltzer – to get us from summer claws to the edge of the sea. college football tailgating pool. It’s an admirable achievement, sure, but just because something can be done doesn’t mean it has to.
I have to warn you that these are either in high demand or Bud Light doesn’t have enough confidence in their product to make it widely available. I knocked on four different places (Kroger, Target, my Walmart neighborhood, and a gas station) before finally finding it in a Walmart Supercenter, where there were only two on the shelf. Obviously, this little quack didn’t discourage me.
I don’t regret buying and trying the assorted pack of four different fall flavors, but it’s definitely not for a life of moderation. Even at just 100 calories per can, I couldn’t bring myself to drink a whole serving of any flavor, but here’s my recap after trying at least part of each.
Pumpkin Spice
Imagine smelling your favorite fall candle or a freshly baked cinnamon cookie. Cracking that can open is an alluring experience. But then you have to drink it, and that’s where things get a little weird.
I’ve never tried a Starbucks pumpkin spice iced drink, but there’s just something that bothers me about a cold spice drink. I also tried this one at room temperature (#WeBelieveInScience here) and enjoyed it way beyond cold.
It’s not too sweet, as PSLs tend to be, and doesn’t go too crazy with nutmeg, but still captures the pumpkin pie spice flavor perfectly. I think it’s the aftertaste of the malted seltzer water, not the pumpkin spice flavor, that keeps me from wanting to drink the whole drink. 10/10 would recommend it if it could burn as incense in my house on a fall afternoon.
Apple chips
This was the flavor I had the most hope for, as it seems to be the hardest to spoil. As the most fruity flavor, it didn’t seem too far removed from the fruity varieties of summer seltzer. All Bud Light had to do was adapt the popular hard apple cider drink to its seltzer form. They didn’t, but if I was forced to drink a whole serving of one flavor it would be the most manageable.
The flavor focuses as much on the ‘crunch’ as it is on the ‘apple’, so I guess they went for the apple crisp dessert profile, not like the GMO apple variety. It’s the sweetest flavor of the four, and it’s reminiscent of a caramel apple lollipop – the kind you only get through a trick or a treat.
I knew my taste instincts were on the right track when I looked at the ingredients and saw that this was the only cane sugar based flavor, while the other three all use stevia as a sweetener. It also tastes like drinking a candle or something you could wash your body with.
Maple pear
The maple pear was probably my second favorite, again for the purpose of being able to get behind a fruit-inspired drink. Maple almost dominates the pear, but not to the point of giving the impression of drinking a pancake. The pear is always detectable and brings a refreshing touch to the whole.
It’s not as sweet as the Apple Crisp, but more sweet than the Pumpkin Spice. Of the four flavors, this one has the least flavor of malted seltzer water.
Toasted marshmallow
Toasted Marshmallow is obviously the wild card of the group, the one in which Bud Light felt they could push the limits. How do you get an attractive toasted flavor and not a burnt rubber or smoky taste? I’m not sure, but they did.
The flavor is not good on its own, but it tastes like a marshmallow. Certainly not the kind fresh from the campfire, but perhaps the kind found melting in your Lucky Charms. The aftertaste is the strongest and worst of the bunch, but I really can’t knock it too much because it tastes like what it claims, and I’m the person who just spent $ 15 on the aftertaste. to try.
If you want to try the Fall Flannel Pack as a connoisseur of all things fall, I highly recommend you try them at room temperature. The flavors are more detectable and pleasant at room temperature than refrigerated. If you buy them just to make your friends miserable, freeze them. It really increases the burning sensation.
Bud Light deserves credit for their creativity and commitment to flavor accuracy, but it always feels like someone in their R&D department has taken a joke a little too far. I love fall as much as the next basic girl, but let us simmer.
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