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AMY: What is my obligation to my ex-wife regarding travel? We have been divorcing for more than four years and have two girls aged 9 and 15 years old. We share custody at 50/50, in service every two weeks.
When I plan to get the girls out of the city overnight, she insists that I tell her the address of where we are staying.
Last weekend, my girlfriend and I took our daughters to a friend's house at the lake, 90 minutes away.
I only told my ex where we were because one of my daughters had plans with her mother the next day, and she did not tell him we were gone.
You might think I took them to the moon, judging by the tirade of SMS.
I believe that I can bring my own children where I want during my parental period, provided that they are with me and safe, without my ex-wife being notified. She thinks that makes me a hole. What do you think?
I am the dad
DEAR DADDY: You should check if your legal custody agreement contains restrictions, but I agree with you that the custodial parent is solely responsible for the children during their custody period.
Maybe your ex-wife is trying to control you, or maybe she's a mother who will sleep better at night, basically where the kids are. Teenagers, in particular, sometimes do not accurately report their whereabouts. This information is best provided by the parent.
It would be wise for you both to keep the others informed of the nights, which includes your ex-wife who informs you.
AMY: Each year, my extended family takes a big trip with four generations: grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren.
There are 15 of us, including the spouses, in the group of children. Parents and grandparents make all the arrangements. We are simply told where and when.
The parents find a big house to rent. The grandparents, who are rich enough, generously pay rent. Grandparents and parents each have their own room and the children are doing with everything else.
On our last trip, we came looking for camping mats and sleeping bags on the floor. We slept three in a bed, on sofas, floors and hammocks. We always go home after these "holidays" tired and stressed.
The children are all between 28 and 37 years old and are almost all married.
My wife and I suggested creating a second home, spreading the costs among the children, but the parents insinuated that we were ungrateful and that we did not give priority to the family.
The other children all agree with us privately, but do not talk about it.
Is there a better way to express our discomfort? We do not want to appear ungrateful or disrespectful. Or should we simply choose between uncomfortable arrangements and uncomfortable arguments?
One of the children
DEAR CHILDREN: Next year you should book (and pay) a rental nearby for you and your wife. Parents and grandparents attach much more importance to the family that sleeps in the same house as you. But again, they wake up every morning after sleeping in a bed.
After booking your rental, inform parents and grandparents: "We rent a home just 10 minutes away. We are really excited for our annual meeting and look forward to seeing everyone! "
Taking responsibility for where you sleep is not disrespectful or ungrateful. You behave like an adult and introduce yourself to your family.
Share this idea: "We love this tradition so much and look forward to it all year long. We will spend time in the big house with everyone, but we need some privacy at night. Do not involve other children in this, and do not chat about it.
Parents and grandparents will see a significant change. They must not like your choice. If you feel rested and more relaxed, you will be more available to pay attention and affection to your elders, which you should do.
AMY: Allow me to add my voice to those who did not appreciate your advice from "Young Widow in NY," who said she had to pay a huge bill for her late husband's funeral.
People should ask these questions to a lawyer and not to an editorialist.
Discouraged
DEAR LOVERS: I took the issue of "Young widow" as a relationship issue rather than a legal issue. But, yes, people with legal problems should consult a lawyer.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.
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