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This article is adapted from Why am I shy?, an episode of CrowdScience presented by Datshiane Navanayagam and produced by Cathy Edwards. To listen to more episodes of CrowdScience from BBC World Service, click here please.
Does the idea of mingling with a party send cold fingers of terror that creep up and down your back? Or the thought of making a presentation in front of a room full of people makes you feel physically sick?
If so, then you are not alone.
Akindele Michael was a shy child. Growing up in Nigeria, he spent a lot of time at his parents' house. His parents, incidentally, are not shy. He believes that his protected education is related to his shyness – but is he right?
In part, says Thalia Eley, professor of developmental and behavioral genetics at Kings College London.
"We think that shyness is a trait and that temperament is a precursor to the personality," she says. "When very young children start to engage with other people, there is a variation in the comfort of [they] are talking to an adult they do not know. "
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She says that only about 30% of shyness is due to genetics and the rest is a reaction to the environment.
Most of what we know about the genetics of shyness comes from studies that compare shyness in identical twins – which are perfect genetic copies – of non-identical twins, who share only about half the same genes.
In the last decade or so, scientists like Eley have begun to look at DNA itself to try to find genetic variants that can affect personality and mental health.
Each individual genetic variant has only a minimal effect, but the impact begins to be more noticeable. Even in this case, the influence of genes on shyness can not be taken in isolation.
"There will not be one, ten or even a hundred genes involved, there will be thousands," says Eley. So, if you think of the entire genome for both parents [of a child] there are hundreds of thousands of relevant genetic variants. "
A shy child may be more likely to isolate themselves in a playground and watch everyone rather than engage
So, the environment is almost more important to develop this kind of traits, she says. And one of the interesting aspects of genetics is that it drives us to extract aspects of the environment that correspond to our current predispositions.
For example, a shy child may be more likely to isolate in a playground and look at everyone rather than engaging in it. This then makes them more comfortable because it becomes their common experience.
"It's not that it's one or the other; these are the two [genes and environment] and they work together, "says Eley. "It's a dynamic system. And because of that, you can always change it through psychological therapies that can teach you techniques to cope. "
Is shyness necessarily a bad thing?
Chloe Foster, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety Disorders and Injuries in London, says that shyness is in itself quite common and normal and does not cause problems if it does not escalate into social anxiety.
Foster says the people she treats are seeking help because they "start avoiding many things they need." It may be impossible to talk to people at work, have trouble socializing or find themselves in a situation where they feel they are being judged or evaluated by a student. other people.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective psychological therapy for people suffering from shyness and social anxiety.
Eley says that there may be reasons for evolution so that people develop timid personality traits.
"It was helpful to have members of your group who had gone in search of new groups, but it was also helpful for those who were more fearful of risk, [were] more aware of the threat and would do a better job of protecting young children, for example. "
She says cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective psychological therapy for people with shyness and social anxiety. This evidence-based therapy works by trying to change your patterns of thought and behavior.
CBT helps you identify this type of negative thinking and realize that certain behaviors, such as repeating what you are going to say in advance or avoiding eye contact, could make you more anxious.
"It's often that little critical bully that comes to your mind before, during, and even after a social event," says Foster.
Sometimes the problem is that people who have difficulty speaking in public because of their shyness often have very high standards of how they should behave in such a situation. she.
"They may think that they should not stumble in their words … or that they should be very, very interesting and that everyone should be totally riveted in what they say all the time. time."
The more you can get involved in social situations, the more confident you'll become – Chloe Foster
If they manage to relieve themselves a little, allowing themselves short breaks to catch their breath may help alleviate some of this anxiety.
Another thing that could help you is to try to focus outside on what is going on around you rather than inside of you that you feel anxiety physically. Focusing on the audience rather than on yourself can help you be less involved in stumbling over your words.
She also suggests challenging herself by being more open to new situations. "The more you can get involved in social situations, the more confident you'll become," she says. "But remember to approach social situations in a new way."
It means changing your script. Ask yourself what you fear most about social situations. Are you worried about looking boring? Or run out of things to say? The more you know about your anxiety, the more you can start challenging it.
Jessie Sun, a PhD student at the University of California at Davis, who studies personality psychology, points out that shyness and introversion are not the same thing.
She explains that people often think that introversion involves being introspective or interested in exploring thoughts, but psychologists who are part of a different dimension of the personality called opening to the experience.
Shy people are often introverted, but they can also be extroverts whose anguish prevents sociability. And the unsophisticated introverts could be socially adept but simply prefer their own business.
According to Sun, "personality is always one of the most powerful predictors of happiness, and extroversion has a particularly strong relationship with well-being."
"Outgoing people tend to experience more feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and joy, while introverted people tend to experience these feelings less often," she says.
They found that, for the rather outgoing people anyway, acting extroverted constantly for a week meant that they were experiencing more positive emotions.
But could introverts benefit from this joy and enthusiasm – acting extrovert?
Sun and his colleagues did an experiment. They asked people to be extroverted for a whole week, which is long for a shy man. "We asked them to act as much as possible in bold, talkative, outgoing, active and badertive," she said.
They found that for the outgoing people, acting consistently over a week meant that they experienced more positive emotions and felt more "authentic" – more similar to themselves.
But the most introverted people have not experienced this positive impulse as much. And people who were extreme introverts felt more tired and experienced more negative emotions.
"I think the main lesson," says Sun, "is that it's probably too much to ask introverted or very shy people to act as extroverted as possible for a whole week." [but they] could consider acting extrovert unless on occasions. "
We've seen how important our environment is, whether we're shy or not – but could culture also affect your happiness if you're a natural introvert?
The United States is said to value confident and extroverted behaviors in relation to introversion, while studies have shown that in parts of Asia, particularly in Japan and China, it is more desirable to be calm and reserved.
Attitudes towards eye contact also vary enormously from one country to another. Kris Rugsaken, retired professor of Asian studies at Ball State University, said: "If good eye contact is praised and expected in Western countries, it is perceived as a sign of disrespect and challenge in the other cultures, particularly Asian and African.
Extroverts tend to be happier even in countries where introversion is more respected
"The less eye contact they have with an individual, the more respect they have."
Despite these cultural differences, Sun indicates that research seems to show that extroverts tend to be happier even in countries where introversion is more respected, but that the degree of happiness is less marked in these countries.
So while research suggests that extroverts end up being happier wherever they are in the world, being introverted is not necessarily negative – any more than being outgoing is always positive.
"Do not consider introversion as a disease to heal," writes Susan Cain in her book Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can not stop talking. "There is no correlation between being the best interlocutor and having the best ideas."
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