Amazon has a twisted and clever new idea that you really won’t like

Hasn’t Amazon done enough?

It brings your groceries to your doorstep, so you don’t have to go anywhere. It’s putting a camera on your doorbell, so you can become a passive policeman.

Well, he’s even happy to see his latest CEO being sent into space, just so he can look coldly at his subjects from an even greater height.

Oh, but that’s never enough in the tech world, is it?

So I’m delighted to bring you the latest Amazon vision for your daily life. This is a patent application entitled “Managing Secondary Delivery Vehicles Using Primary Delivery Vehicles”.

Your imagination is already roaring, I can tell. But can I offer you the first sentence of the summary? : “Primary vehicles with cameras or other sensors generate and transmit instructions for secondary vehicles, such as personal delivery devices, to travel on selected routes and speeds.

Essentially, a typical Amazon truck will be driving down your street. It will stop at a convenient location. Then its back door will open and take out many small robotic cars carrying packages. Everyone will have their own destination. As you gaze out the window and marvel at the synchronized delivery ballet that Amazon performs for your enjoyment.

After all deliveries have been made, the little robot cars will return to the mothership and get underway.

I find that adorable. Although, because I have imperfect circuits, I foresee some logistical problems. You jump in your car to visit the office. One of those darn little robots is crawling down the street at 4.6 miles an hour. Won’t you just be a little tempted to get it out of your way?

And how will your children, your dog or your pet alligator react?

Then there is the problem of road surfaces. Some are less so than others. What if the little delivery bot has an accident? Who will save him? Who will prevent your package from being inadvertently overwritten in the process?

Dare I also mention who will be driving the big truck? Will it be a human? If so, will they feel like their lot has improved because they don’t have to rush door to door, desperate to make sure they deliver enough packages per minute?

What will this human be doing while the robots are doing all the work? Will they be allowed to read on their Kindle? Or will they have to watch their little bots carefully in the event of a mishap?

Ultimately, I’m afraid this neighborhood spin-off may be a good idea in theory – it’s just a patent application, after all – but a painful foray into our lives.

Then again, what if the big truck was equipped with Alexa announcing the contents of street deliveries to everyone, via a loudspeaker?

“Mr. James Mantelpiece, number 82, four beer glasses, XXL size leder pants and a large pot of industrial glue.”

“Mrs. Jennifer Mantelpiece, Issue 82, a book titled ‘Leave Your Husband in Two Easy Steps.'”

Now it would be really worth listening to.