Unhealed invisible wounds one year after Beirut port tragedy

One year after the explosion in Beirut, Layal’s heart still beats when he hears fireworks or a door closing, sounds that recall the anguish he felt that afternoon as he cried out for his mother through the destroyed streets strewn with wounded.

It took the 22-year-old months to learn to control panic attacks caused by recurring memories of what happened on August 4, 2020, when Hundreds of tons of ammonium nitrate stored in the port of Beirut exploded causing more than 200 deaths, 6,500 injuries and great destruction.

The disaster, for which no one has yet been convicted twelve months later, It left an indelible mark on the memory and profound psychological consequences on a large part of Beirutis.

“My road to recovery has been slow and difficult, full of survivor guilt and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)”explained Layal, who works as a game developer and is considering enrolling in online therapy.

BROKEN AND APPEAL GLASSES

Barely half an hour before the explosion, the young woman managed to convince her sister to end her day at the office a little earlier, located in front of the epicenter of the disaster, and to go to the doctor to a respiratory problem. She asked for a taxi and informed her that her mother would meet her at the hospital.

At 6:07 p.m., the shock wave surprised Layal alone at home.

“I opened the door, I ran into the street and I realized that everything was destroyed and people were screaming, some were walking as if they were lost and others were bleeding profusely,” he recalls. .

The hospital his family had visited was about a five-minute walk away, but suddenly he couldn’t remember the way. He ran, tripped and fell on shards of glass. “I kept calling mom on the street, maybe she could hear me,” she said.

When he was finally able to get to the medical center, he saw that the emergency room doors were smashed in, black smoke was coming out of the room, and there were wounds and blood “everywhere”. After an hour of desperate searching, she received a call: her sister and mother had survived.

A year later, Layal still sometimes loses track of time, has memory problems and feels like an always alert “prisoner” when she walks around town, but she has also started to enjoy “every second” with her. close and hug them. as soon as possible.

ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND PTSD

Lea Zeinoun, director of the Strategic Association of the NGO Embrace, which runs the National Line for Emotional Support and Suicide Prevention, believes that almost all of the people who learned of the blast in Lebanon were psychologically affected “by another way”. .

Most of the cases that Embrace deals with in relation to the drama correspond to anxiety, depression and PTSD, but the expert recalls that the traumas are “very diverse”, and can only be categorized in those who have lost. a loved one or those who suffer from having experienced a similar situation or sound.

“There are additional traumas that come from a conversation or a feeling of uncertainty, or others that can arise suddenly due to a lack of security or fear that the explosion will repeat itself. any time of the day, ”Zeinoun told Efe.

The sequelae often appear months or even years later.

In addition, victims often have to deal with other more urgent aftermath of the tragedy first, and in the case of Lebanon, the current context of economic crisis does not help the population prioritize psychological injuries.

A MOMENT BURNED BY FIRE

Abdel Salam (not her real name) has lost count of the times he relived in his head the moment the shock wave rocked his apartment near the port, the way to drop off his roommates in a hospital and his subsequent trip to seek help. himself.

“Every sound around me is a trigger, even the smallest. Instantly I turn to look and all the images of that day come back to me.”explained the 31-year-old, who also He has developed a social phobia and is unable to plan for the future.

The first ten months passed like “if reality does not exist”, with the ubiquitous “explosion cloud” and “dark thoughts” that I have never experienced before.

The traumatic experience prompted him to study psychology and he hopes this will help him improve his mental state and that of other victims in his circle of friends.

(with information from the EFE)

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