An innovative therapy helped her to overcome the suicide of her two brothers

April 7, 2019

A young woman ravaged by the pain of losing her two brothers by suicide, 10 months apart, tells how she managed to overcome her and help others.

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Charlotte Rowe was only 19 years old when she learned that she was going to change her life forever.

His brother, Matthew, had committed suicide at the age of 20. I was a medical student. He was found dead in his room by other students of the university.

But that was not the end of his grief. Unimaginable, his other brother, Tom, also committed suicide less than a year later. I was only 15 years old.

The 21-year-old said: "Both were a shock and a big loss, but [la de Matthew] It was my first experience of death.

"I had never lost anyone who was so close to me before, especially through the suicide I really did not know what suicide was to be honest. "

On the death of his younger brother, Tom, Charlotte switched to the "autopilot".

He committed suicide in his room, at his family's home in Newport.

There was no sign that Tom was struggling to cope with the death of his older brother at the University of Manchester.

Charlotte was then in her second year at Cardiff University, where she was studying a bachelor's degree in sociology.

After Tom's death, she felt that "it was closing."

"I was crying alone and I thought," I can not handle it anymore, "he said.

"I thought I had to move forward and forward, just block it."

After Tom's suicide investigation in 2018, Charlotte said her two brothers were "normal, sociable guys who would not meet people with mental health problems."

"However, it is not uncommon, those who suffer usually suffer in silence without others noticing," he said.

"Mental health is a serious problem for young men, because many of these people do not understand their problems well, which gives them the feeling that suicide This is the only option. "

"[Matthew] He was a brilliant young man who studied medicine. His death was a total shock and this completely surprised my family because we were not aware of the support we had given to people in our situation.

"Tom was a naughty, funny and extremely affectionate child, and when Tom pbaded away, my family and I felt completely lost and did not know what to do because we have not yet claimed Matthew and we are facing another loss. tragic. "

Matthew was an outstanding student at the Newport School, as well as a rugby and hockey enthusiast, activities that had brought him around the world, including to Saudi Arabia, Iceland and the United States. Kenya.

He has received numerous medical study offers, but began studying at the University of Manchester in September 2015.

After Matthew's death, Tom became "compulsive and consumer". But his parents "had no indication that he" was not coming out of it.

But after a normal Friday night, discussing the use of his mother's cell phone, Tom returned to his room and committed suicide.

But instead of closing, Charlotte bravely took control of her mental health. He was diagnosed with OCD and intrusive thoughts, but wanted it to be treated separately from his pain.

At first, he started talking to a mental health nurse before seeing a psychologist.

Then, as his trauma was part of the post-traumatic stress spectrum (PTSD), a therapy called EMDR was proposed.

EMDR stands for desensitization and reprocessing by eye movements and involves bilateral stimulation of the brain.

Its purpose is to help people heal after painful life experiences. It is thought that the effect is similar to that which occurs naturally during REM sleep (rapid eye movement).

Sleep is thought to play a crucial role in the treatment of emotions, especially during the paradoxical sleep state.

Therapist Richard Worthing-Davies, who has been working on EMDR since 1998, says: "EMDR is restoring memory in the long-term memory in a much more stable and less vivid way, making it an integral part of our lives history instead of something so that we can be suddenly angry. "

The process itself involves lateral movements of the eyes directed by a therapist, with a hand or light moving from one side to the other. Manual and audio stimulation are also used.

Charlotte follows a light therapy, where she follows a light bar with her eyes while her therapist asks her to focus on different aspects of the trauma.

"At first I had no idea what EMDR was," Charlotte said.

"I thought it sounded a little ridiculous, I did not know how it would all happen, I did not understand how your eyes can do anything with your inner thoughts, I remember telling that to my family and joked that my eyes were going to unlock all my hidden feelings. "

But soon he started to feel a difference.
"It was very useful, I had it every two weeks at the beginning, because the sessions can be quite intense."

What Charlotte quickly understood was that EMDR helped her to understand other things in her life that she did not realize was to worry her.

"When I had the first session, I felt very tired, it really took my strength away, a lot of things went out and disturbed so much that I did not know." ", did he declare.

"The traumas I faced with the deaths of my brothers were not all of my life that had an effect on me, I did not know that these small traumas would have a significant impact on me."

"I did not know that past events really shaped my identity and how I felt about certain things, so it was interesting to see how much the events that I consider small really have a big impact on me."

"Dealing with them meant that I could handle the biggest things I had to deal with."

Charlotte says that EMDR has helped her "organize" her thoughts and clarify things. Soon you will be able to have it less often.

He is now considering starting a career in psychological counseling after graduating this year.

"I think it's the only good thing that came out of that, I know I can help others now, I've gone through the worst, I've overcame it and I've done it." would like to use it to help others, "she says.

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