How to handle a moron without becoming one too

A few years ago, I was speaking to the public about a study on the habits of great music composers, when a person interrupted me.

"This is not true!" S & # 39; he exclaimed. "He speaks like an ignorant, he does not know what he says!"

At the beginning of my professional career, I allowed unpleasant people to trample me. On one occasion, a client reprimanded me for an error in an advertisement that my predecessor had made. I gave in and I offered to return all his money. At another point, a leader threatened to fire me for defending a mistreated colleague and I remained silent. But when this particular situation arose, he was already prepared: he had been trained as a mediator in case of conflict, had worked as a negotiator and had studied organizational psychology.

During our professional career, we will probably have to interact with a moron. This kind of person who humbles and shows no respect. Their attitudes can range from giving credit to our actions, from blaming us for their mistakes, from encroaching on our private lives or from breaking their promises, even talking badly about us, shouting at us and denigrating us. According to organizational psychologist Bob Sutton, these people treat others as garbage and do not even realize it, or make fun of it.

Of course, the natural answer is to become defensive, but in this way, we can only exacerbate the cycle of aggression. Take for example a clbadic study in which researchers recorded the behavior of negotiators at different levels of development. Medium-sized traders eventually sank three times more than vicious experts in defensive attacks. The experts did not let themselves be carried away by the turmoil of the moment and also managed to calm down their interlocutor. They calmly badyzed their reactions to each other's behavior and explored different reasons for what the other person intended to communicate.

He had been studying these tests for several years and was teaching on this basis. It was the perfect opportunity to put these concepts into practice. I asked the audience to take a break, I went to the place where the person was who interrupted me and I said: "Of course, you can be in disagree with the data, but I do not think this is a respectful way to express your opinion.At least for me, they have not taught me to hold an intellectual debate this way, n & # 39; ;is this not? "

My intention was to start a conversation about the conversation, that is, to divert our attention from the subject itself to reflect on the tone of the dialogue. To my surprise, it worked.

"Well, no …" he stammered. "I just think he's wrong." Later, I sent him the data and he responded with an apology.

The person who interrupted me was Sutton's definition of "temporary idiot". We can all display this behavior and repent later. A study has shown that when leaders act abusively, ultimately they feel less competent and less respected in the workplace, and find it more difficult to relax after returning home.

However, on certain occasions, we meet a certified moron, a person who accustoms others to humiliate and disrespect them. A few years ago, one of my colleagues had the reputation of screaming at meetings. After seeing it with my own eyes, I reflected on what I had seen and called to point out to him that his attitude did not seem professional to me. My colleague became defensive: "I had to explain my position!"

Several surveys on the psychology of certified morons reveal that they tend to rationalize aggression. They are convinced that it is only by doing so that they will get the desired results. Recently, I discovered how to respond to something like this when I interviewed Conflict Mediation Expert Sheila Heen for an episode of my WorkLife pdcast about the morons you live with in the office. His suggestion is that we try to find a way to subtly question his belief that aggression is necessary: ​​"Really, I miss you, I feel like you're an intelligent and creative person, I do not have to so have no doubt that you can find better strategies for getting the same clarity without having to attack someone else. "

It's not that difficult to visualize this kind of conversation with a colleague. But what can you do if the idiot is your boss or your boss and you do not have the opportunity to resign?

Some research conducted in banks and real estate companies have identified two effective ways to end an abusive supervision scheme. We must be less dependent on the boss. If you manage to minimize the interactions, the damage will be less important. The other is to make sure your boss depends more on you. If he needs you, he is less likely to abuse you.

In case of failure, Sutton recommends changing attitude to the situation: pretend to be a moron specialist and think about how lucky you are to have the chance to see this spectacular and extraordinary specimen from close.

Adam Grant, a corporate psychologist in Wharton, is the author of "Originals". To learn more about how to grow your career and connect with others, listen to "WorkLife With Adam Grant", an original science-based TED podcast that makes work less horrific. You can find "WorkLife" in Apple podcasts or on your favorite platform for listening to audios.

Copyright: 2019 New York Times News Service