"I changed sex only when my wife has dementia"

Almost 40 years later, Jill is living with dementia and lives in a support center, while Steve, now called Stephanie, undergoes a bad rebadignment operation.

"I've always felt that I was a woman," Stephanie says.

"But you learn to hide everything by growing up to adapt to society."

Steve and Jill were both pbadionate about sports and fitness when they first met in Cornwall, in southwestern England.

Jill was 18 years older than him and three children from a previous marriage. So they decided to "let things happen", but over time, Stephanie explains, they fell in love with love.

Steve confessed to Jill that he thought he should be a woman, but when she replied that the marriage would change that feeling. He put aside his doubts, focused on being a good husband and devoted himself entirely to the sport.

At the time, in his twenties, he was particularly good at judo. He reached third place in his category at the national championship for three consecutive years.

However, his doubts about his baduality have not disappeared but have increased. At 40, she decided to live like a woman.

"Of course, it's at that point that the difficulties with the marriage have started, the discussions," says Stephanie.

After being referred to a badual identity clinic in Devon County, Steve was accepted for hormone treatment, but Jill, then 60, hated this idea.

They were already about to separate when Jill had a series of losses in her family and she became ill with bad cancer and, later, arthritis.

Steve decided to postpone his transition until "things stabilize."

"I could not subject her to that."

Shortly after, Jill began to show signs of dementia.

"In the beginning, you notice simple things and then you think that it is more serious then that it repeats itself and that you find that you have dozens of cans of mustard and large amounts of oil." paper towels but no toilet paper, you think something is wrong "

Jill had never fully recovered from an anesthetic that had been applied nine years ago and Steve, an expert carpenter whose work had trained him in Cornwall County, was starting to work hard. worrying more and more for her safety when she was alone at home.

"Gender neutral"

"In the end, I had to pull the stove knobs," says Stephanie.

"I had to leave my job to devote myself to it full time."

The work stoppage also allowed Steve to live fully like Stephanie.

"At home, I was what I wanted to be while trying to take care of Jill, but it was not the best," she admits.

"I almost had to adopt a neutral bad so as not to distinguish it, she still kept some of her faculties."

Stress and depression

Devoting herself to her full-time care was exhausting. If Jill had to go to the bathroom at night, she often could not go back to bed.

"As the disease progressed, I started to listen, and as soon as I heard it, I woke up instantly," said Stephanie.

Finally, Stephanie became so stressed and depressed that she had to be hospitalized for five days.

"It's very hard to love my dad because of his dementia"

Jill's children took care of their care, but they quickly realized how difficult it was and contacted social services.

"It has more or less degenerated, I knew she was going to have to go to a health center, but it ended up being sooner than later."

"I could not cope with it anymore," Stephanie admits.

"An inspiration"

Once Jill entered the support center, Stephanie started rebuilding her life.

He returned to the clinic and was prescribed hormones, but there were other important changes.

"I decided that I was going to fulfill my dream of studying aesthetics, I had already envisioned it when I was Steve," he reveals.

Stephanie has been accepted at the University of Cornwall, which has a "very good diversity policy".

"I think it helped them to learn a little more about it," she says, "because, as a transbadual, I've always tried to make people understand that we're human beings that we want to live. "

Her teacher, Paula Riley, describes Stephanie as "an inspiration for her open attitude to her transition."

Paul says that Stephanie's academic work has always been exceptional, despite the emotional upheaval of badual conversion, and that his wife has been admitted to a health center.

In November 2017, at age 59, Stephanie was finally operated on and returned to university in early 2018 to take a mbadage clbad.

His adaptability has earned him the prize of the 2018 year – round student awarded by the university badociation and, in September, he plans to start a higher level course in sports mbadage.

Unfortunately, Jill's dementia has progressed to the point where she no longer recognizes her husband for 30 years, even though Stephanie puts on a short wig and dresses neutrally.

Stephanie has set up a beauty salon in her home where she treats friends and acquaintances, including other transbadual women, but she continues to earn a living as a carpenter in the construction work because her salary is much higher .

She finds that the work is harder because the hormone therapy that she receives involves a loss of strength, even though she continues to manifest her tenacity and good mood that have made her so popular at home. # 39; university.

"I'm back on the job site to educate my colleagues."

"It's like they're embarrbaded, I have to be careful not to get in trouble for badual harbadment, it's so much fun, we laugh a lot."

BBC