How to learn to accept the criticisms of others without hurting themselves

When someone criticizes us or reports an error, the most common reaction is to reject the comment and adopt a defensive stance. This happens because we are used to interpreting signals as direct attacks. So, instead of capitalizing on the comment to be able to change and be better, we end up counterattacking or getting angry with that person.

According to Santiago Gómez, director of Decidir Vivir Mejor and the Center for Cognitive Psychology, "what fails is the way we interpret what they told us". That is, if our boss tells us that we are doing some wrong work and that we should do it differently, negative thoughts will appear such as "he says nothing to others"; "It is always with me" or "I will continue to work in the same way", which generates emotions of anger and anger.

Almost always, criticism is so important to us that we are insecure. The more we doubt ourselves, the more vulnerable we are to the judgment of others. Therefore, all reproach touches an inner fiber in which we feel fragile and a counterattack as a means of defending ourselves.

It is important to understand that a critique made with good intentions can help us be better people and observe problems that we could not see alone.

To continue with the work example, Gómez emphasizes that a sound interpretation would be "how well he told me what I should change to improve"; "It helps me to learn" or "Now I can be more efficient in my work".

"These thoughts are decisive because they indicate solutions and allow the subject to actively adapt to his work.When the thought is positive, emotions of well-being and a good predisposition to change are generated", explains the specialist .

It is necessary to follow certain keys to learn to be more receptive and to take advantage of criticism as a form of growth.

–Separate criticism from the personal sphere. When a person who appreciates us judges an incorrect behavior on our part, it is not a direct attack and bad intention.

– Distinguish constructive comments from those who only seek to hurt.

– Do a job of introspection. At our own pace, after someone has made a negative judgment against us, we should sincerely ask ourselves how much we agree with the criticism.

– To be positive Counterattacking or giving up any comment will only weaken us.

– Accept weaknesses and strengths. If we discover that this person was right, congratulations! Let's start with what it takes to change.

– thank you Although it takes a lot of courage, it is liberating to appeal to the person who judged us to thank him for his comment and badure him that we will try to work in that direction.

If we can mitigate the defensive posture, we can use the eyes of others to develop ourselves further as people. The important thing is to keep your head up: we all want to improve certain aspects.

Giving advice is not easy. When communicating to a loved one what
We believe that this should change, we run the risk that this person does not understand us and hurts himself.

– Express yourself with a personal recommendation. "If I were in this situation, I would do it", is a good way to give advice without directly calling the error.

– Be honest, but kind. As much as we say is true, we must avoid expressions that could hurt those who are going through difficult times.

– Avoid reproach. Phrases like "how can you do that?" or "what were you thinking?" they do not build and they put the other on the defensive.

– Highlight the positive. It is good to call criticism praise. It is not a sycophant, but to convey that we all have enormous virtues as well as defects. Offering help It is important not only to make a value judgment, but also to make the person understand that we will be there to meet your needs.

– You must always be sensitive and put yourself in the place of the listener.

It's not always the people who point out something negative that do it to help us be better. Sometimes, destructive criticism is the result of personal resentment or frustration. It is important to know how to distinguish them and not get carried away by these harmful feelings.

– Attack the person, but do not offer a solution.

– It does not bring anything positive to the person who receives it.

– It implies a spirit of suspicion or envy.

– It comes from knowledge.

– Offers solutions or ways to improve.

– pursues the sole purpose of helping the other to develop.

– When we learn to distinguish hurtful comments from positive comments, we become more receptive to what can help us grow.