"I was always with my girlfriend because I was afraid she was killing me"

February 18, 2019 1:04 pm
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Updated on February 18, 2019 13:09

Alex Skeel is a 22-year-old British girl. For years, he was the victim of physical and psychological violence against his partner and the mother of his children, the first woman sentenced in the United Kingdom for domestic violence against a man.

The following is Skeel's first-person story told to Sophie Haydock of BBC Three.

I will never forget the moment my girlfriend, Jordan, poured me boiling water for the first time. I had been stuck in the corner of a house room that we shared in Bedfordshire (England), holding the kettle full of burning water.

We had been together for three years and it all started with little things like not wearing gray or not loving my hairstyle, but at that time there was already nine months of continuous physical abuse. I was very scared of him.

I can still see this first drop of water falling on my skin.

Everything has gone slow. My skin stung me. The pain was different from everything he had known before. I begged him to let me into a bathroom full of cold water, that was the only thing I could think of that would stop burning.

He let me in the tub and the relief was instantaneous.

You can not imagine how good it is to plunge your body into icy water after that. It's the most pleasant feeling in the world.

But then he forced me to leave or he said I would boil some water again.

Everything was mental game with her.

^{The BBC has told the story of Alex and hell that he has lived for more than three years. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

A normal relationship

Jordan Worth and I were 16 years old when we met in 2012, while we were at the university. She had done well at school and had secured a place at the University of Hertfordshire to study art. I wanted to be a teacher.

The first few months have been good. We had a good time together and we did things of a normal couple: watching movies or going for a walk.

But after a few months, strange things happened, but by then, it seemed to me that it was just a call to attention.

My parents paid us a stay in London so we could see the Lion King. And, out of nowhere, Jordan has disappeared.

We are all looking for a good time. Much later, we found it at the reception of the hotel laughing loudly. Everything was a little weird.

In retrospect, I think it was her way of scare me and make me worry for her, to be able to control myself.

^{Her ex-partner, Jordan, is the first woman sentenced in the UK for domestic violence. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

"That has isolated me and prevented me from eating"

Over time, I had already managed to isolate myself from all my friends and family. I had forbidden to see them and even stole my Facebook account, a clbadic tactic of domestic abuse.

He started to prevent me from eating. I lost a lot of weight

I tried to fight against her behavior, but she found a way to distort things and blame me. I knew it was not my fault, but in the end it ended up convincing me and I ended up thinking: "What am I doing wrong?".

When she said to me: "I do not like the gray color" or "I do not like these shoes", I thought to myself: "Okay, I will not wear them." not "because I wanted her to be happy, but in reality I was trying to do something that was not going to be it. It was a battle lost from the beginning.

We had two children together. I thought that would change things.

It was not like that, and I began to worry that if I left it, it would hurt them. So I never left.

Of course, she had a great time with her, moments in which I felt happy, laughed and had fun together. It was not a nightmare all the time. And I really wanted the relationship to work.

I loved him after all.

I got used to the pain

Mental abuse became physical later.

He started with her sleeping with a glbad bottle. She accused me of talking or sending messages to other girls, something absolutely wrong.

I was waiting for him to fall asleep and then he hit me the bottle on his head and he said: "What are you thinking?"

^{Alex turns 18 with his mother and twin brother. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

After a while, it stopped hurting me. I was so used to the pain that I did not even feel it anymore.

So she found another way to hurt me.

After the bottle, the hammer has arrived. And after the hammer, I could find anything to hit me.

The knives arrived too. Many times he was about to reach an artery on my wrist.

And after that, boiling water came. I have third degree burns. Whenever I get used to the pain, she will get up to speed.

After the boiling water, there was death.

^{An x-ray shows Alex's broken teeth because of blows. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

Can not report

If his injuries ended up sending me to the hospital, he said that I had stumbled, that I had hit my head or that I had burned myself while putting the water from the shower very hot.

A neighbor came to call the police several times when he heard shouts on different occasions. I lied It was not nice, but I did it to save my life.

I've often had black eyes, bruises. She used her makeup to cover it, to hide what she'd done to me.

I felt my body go out. I have to lose more than 30 kilos.

^{The Jordan kettle boiled the hot water that he then poured on Alex. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

Shortly after, the doctors told me that I was ten days after the death, given the dietary restriction to which I had been subjected.

End of the nightmare

Everything ended in 2018, when a police officer came home to follow up on a visit he had made before. There the whole truth is out.

My wounds were so severe at that time and I was so haggard after losing so much weight. Until then, I had refused everything, but I could not stand it anymore.

If the police had not intervened at that moment, I think it would have ended on the ground.

there is no doubt. I was lucky enough to have so many injuries that the tests were very solid. All of this helped move Jordan away from my life.

I think that what moved her to do what she did is jealousy. My family and I were very close, my friends were great and she kept me away from it all.

He once said to me: "I want to ruin your life".

^{Images of the police after a call from a neighbor showing Alex in a state of physical and mental anguish. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

Very few men ask for help if they are abused.

Jordan has never regretted what he did to me. Not even when the police came to interrogate him. I think she was more worried about being seized than the damage she had caused me.

At trial, pleaded guilty, but I think I get a lighter sentence.

I do not know how she could justify herself to her behavior.

Stigma

I think that people who commit domestic violence do it because they like it a lot. It's like a drug, an addiction. And the more they do it, the more they think they can get away with it, and it gets worse and worse every time. It's like they were in heaven and you were in hell.

They get what they want. This complete control. And you are living your worst nightmare, something you would never have wanted in your life.

^{Image of police interviewing Jordan. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

He had heard of male dating violence before meeting Jordan. I knew it was their suffering that was really very serious. But I did not know what to do.

During all the time that I experienced the abuse, I could not have named a single charge for which I could have been arrested because I had never had a clue.

And while it may sound funny, I was never in a hurry to get out of this situation. I could not have anything and, besides, we had two children together. All I expected was that the nightmare ends. My concern was the kids, that they were fine.

You can never tell anyone to leave this kind of situation. It's the worst. You just have to say, "Look, if you ever need to talk to me, I'm here."

^{Alex with his baby Iris after leaving the hospital. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

Jordan was sentenced to seven-and-a-half years in April 2018. She admitted to being coercive or coercive in an intimate relationship, intentionally injuring and causing grievous bodily harm.

When I heard the news, I did not even flinch. Now, I tend not to worry about things.

When the verdict arrived, I thought, "Justice has been done." Subsequently, I felt a lot of relief, as if I had taken a huge weight from me.

As soon as I knew she was in the van on the way to prison, for the first time in five years, I was able to lift my head and not have any worries in my head .

The kids do not really know what's going on. I have backed up a lot of information, court documents, etc., so that they can read them when they are older. When they are mature enough to understand it, I will explain it to them.

I just hope that one day, they will say to me: "You did a good job, daddy", that's the only thing that matters to me.

Jordan was the first woman in the United Kingdom to go to prison for coercive and controlling behavior.

^{Alex can not think of other relationships now, but to rebuild his life and recover everything he says Jordan has taken away from him. Photo: BBC Three-Century Films.}

Many stigmas prevent men from expressing themselves, and often the police do not take violence against men seriously. Domestic violence campaigns often exclude men. What kind has to do with abuse?

I'm not stupid enough to think that all women will be like Jordan, but I'm not ready to have another relationship yet. I just want to enjoy what I loved when I was a child, because Jordan took it and destroyed everything. I have to try to rebuild all that.

I started doing it with the help of charitable organizations of domestic mistreatment of men. And in the future, I would like to open a shelter for men who have been abused.

Sometimes I think the main reason I'm alive is to create awareness.

Why did not the knife get into the wrong place? Why was not I hit in an unfortunate place? I never had a skull fracture and I was beaten a thousand times, there must be a reason for that and help people.

I only hope that things will be better for the other victims.