Living in Sweden: "Here they encourage men to stay at home with their children"

"Sweden is not the ideal country, rich in opportunities and with an unequaled quality of life, as often described by the media", reveals Maite Bellón, a woman who in 2012 became what she calls this Scandinavian destination
"Kärlekinvandrare", immigrated for love.

His sweetheart, Jörgen, met him during a trip to Peru in 2008, where they forged friendships. After visiting him in Sweden and returning to Buenos Aires together, the love arrived and they discovered that they no longer wanted or could no longer live separated.

"We were in Buenos Aires until 2012, when he wanted us to go to Sweden definitively, it was very difficult for me to make the decision – to start from scratch in another country where you have no work neither friends is much harder than you imaginesaid the young woman who, between habits and affections, also left a good job in his city.

Maite lived with a Swede and knew very well the cultural differences between the two countries and, although it seemed odd to some, she was not thrilled with the idea of ​​going to this "perfect country" "with whom others dreamed.
"Some people even congratulated me, while there was no reason for me: I left everything for a couple and another land without knowing if the relationship would work or how they would receive me.
Perhaps he was more aware than they of the risk he was taking. I did not know it was sending me the club of my life or if it was the best decision in the world. By the way, I took a ticket with the return date for March as a way to have a plan b in case it would not work "confess

Towards a new destination

Maite arrived a few days after the summer solstice. When he got off the train, his watch indicated 22 hours, although that seemed impossible. He traveled the 30 kilometers between the station and his new home in the sun, something he had never seen before and that had a profound impact on him. When the time indicated that it was already noon, the sky was still lit up.

Its first place of residence was Vetlanda, a small town of 14,000 in the southern Småland region. A place that amazed him for his innumerable lakes and forests and where nature lived at the corner of his house.
Maite went to work every day in Cordoba and Callao, to live in a place where there were many blueberry and raspberry bushes in every corner.

"Outside of nature, I was surprised to see how empty everything was and the huge silence that reigned in the center of the city, I could walk several kilometers without crossing a single person"remember
"But I was also amazed that my boyfriend's knowledge did not look at me when he met them on the street: it was like I was not standing there next to him.
The inhabitants of small towns in the interior of Sweden feel "threatened" by the large number of foreigners.

And there was also the cold and the huge amount of snow. She did not imagine a climate so extreme and inevitably disconcerted.
"We were in the highest part of southern Sweden, known as the" Highlands of Småland "- it could snow so much overnight as to leave my home, I had to take the shovel and throw I've learned that cold days – less than 10 degrees below freezing – are always sunny and that the hair may freeze when they are not covered by the hat and hood. "

New house, new habits

After a cold December, the couple settled in Malmö, the third largest city in Sweden, with 350,000 inhabitants and a very cosmopolitan atmosphere. They have gone from the coldness of a reluctant people to coexistence with people of more than 170 nationalities.
There, Maite discovered that being foreign was not a rarity and ultimately she felt at home from day one. In his new landscape, he replaced the lakes with sandy beaches and a field that immediately reminded him of the wet Pampas.

"Malmö is made for cycling and distances are measured according to the time it takes to get there" has a smile
"It is known to be the birthplace of footballer Ibrahimovic, for the Öresundsbron – the bridge that unites Sweden and Denmark – (Malmö is across from Copenhagen) and to be an innovation hub.
But he is also popular for his crime problems, which earned him the exaggerated nickname "Chicago of Sweden". I love my city a lot, with its faults and virtues, and I do not see myself living anywhere else in the world at this time. "

As far as customs are concerned, one of the most surprising and difficult to integrate has been to take off your shoes when you enter a house. Never mind that it was the plumber or best friend, everyone had to remove them.
As in many offices, he understood that you had to change shoes "street" and walk with slippers, Franciscans, fangs or directly down.
"In the holidays inside houses is also like that".

"And then there is the 'fika'", says Maite,
"Twice a day, Swedes take a break from their work to sit down with their partner to have a coffee.It is not well seen to stay at work while the other" fikan ".
I've also been struck by the fact that Swedes are very measured with their meals and with their alcohol consumption during the week, but they are the opposite on the weekends. On Fridays, there is a custom called "fredagsmys" (nice Friday), which consists of sitting in front of the television with the family after dinner and watching a show or a movie with giant bowls of fries and fries. 39, other snacks. The consumption of this type of snack is such that only bulky packages are sold. Saturday is candy day. During the week, it is forbidden for children to touch them, but that day they can eat half a kilo.
Swedes consume the most per capita in the world, with an average of 18 kilos per year. "

Work in Sweden

Maite arrived in Sweden, ready to take up the daunting challenge. She had studied Swedish, had a basic conversation and was willing to make sacrifices to get a job. However, the reality was totally different than expected.
She found herself in an environment that closed her first year and realized that for some employers, being a foreigner was almost synonymous with illiteracy.
"Many were surprised when I told them that I had studied at the university, I had not left my post of communications officer of a company that was organizing fairs for can not get a job or a cleaning job ", reflects Maite.

Her first job was to babysit for a new agency that needed to recruit staff. For five years, he cares for more than fifty children of all ages.
For her, it was a great anthropological experience in which she was able to return to many Swedish families and immigrants and observe how they really live between the four walls. "I could just reinstate my job in 2017. I had the chance to do an internship in a large energy company and I worked for a new project: a startup accelerator. ".

And in March of this year, Maite started working as Communications & Community Manager for a program called
Ignite Sweden, whose goal is to bring together technology startups with large companies such as Volvo, Electrolux and Ikea, among others "Swedish giants".

"Sweden is at the forefront of the world in terms of innovation and technology, and collaboration between universities, businesses and governments is one of the keys to its success. There are accelerators and incubators throughout the country that support technology companies. The goal of the program I work for is to help these new entrepreneurs get their first big client, " explains Maite with satisfaction.

Working full time, Maite found herself facing a country offering a very good quality of life and a very relaxed social and professional rhythm.

"The breaks are sacred, nobody works after the normal working hours, the decisions are made by the entire team and no crisis is serious enough to go crazy." It is not normal to see people eating at their desks or shouting. You feel heard, you are part of the decisions and you work with a lot of freedom. "

Human quality

In her new home, Maite also discovered an ideal land to be parents,
where maternity and paternity leave is shared. There you have
480 daysthat each couple divides as they wish and that the mother has the right to choose a person whom she chooses to take leave from work to accompany her during the first weeks.

"The most common in heterobadual couples is that the mother takes the first six months and the father the other six, and the rest is saved for later.
Businesses encourage men to stay at home with their children. In addition, it is hard to see that a father does not take half of the license ", Maite explains,
"One of the things that most surprised my boyfriend was the few strollers I saw in the streets of Buenos Aires, I did not understand before moving to Sweden: thanks to such a broad license, they are part of the landscape, especially in the morning, when parents get together to go for a walk in the park or go for a coffee ".

In general, the human quality surprised Maite pleasantly.
"They are not as cold and distant as we think.
Swedes are terrible strangers, but excellent friends. There is no gray. Sometimes they are so inconsiderate with others that it provokes anger. But when they know you, they are wonderful people, warm, caring and considerate, who always care about you and want to help you. "

Returns and learnings

Maite returned to touch the Argentine soil three and a half years after his departure.
"There is a very strange feeling that we feel that we live far away from our country, that" I am neither here nor there ", which is so difficult to describe.
Of course, we are happy to see our friends and family, but at the same time there is a kind of reconfirmation that your home, your home, is now somewhere else. ", to affirm moved.

But for her, there is another singular phenomenon with the returns: one has the impression that everything in your head is frozen since the last time.
"Seeing my little nephews was a shock, as well as finding that there are people who are no longer there.
Going back, it's like accepting the fact that even if you knew it, you did not see it with your own eyes. I like to say that going to Buenos Aires helps me to become aware of the reality of the bubble that is going to live in Sweden, where the concerns are more related to environmental problems than to join the two ends.

Thinking about her days in distant lands, Maite feels that her learning is huge, constant and exciting.
He is grateful to have had the courage to embark on this adventure that shows him that openness to the world opens him the spirit.

"Here, I learned the importance of consensus: all decisions are discussed and approved by all.
Giving the floor, respecting the opinion of others and reaching an agreement on diversity is something I admire in Sweden. I think Argentines have a lot to learn about this. To discuss with ardor, as we do, is useless because we forget to listen "
, reflects.

"And I learned to be more grateful, the Swedes always tell me thank you, even in cases where it is someone who should thank them.
One of the first sentences that we learn to say in Swedish is "tack för idag", which means "thank you for today". The teachers at the end of the clbad, your boss at the end of the work day, the drivers on TV and a friend you went to visit will say goodbye to "tack för idag". Although we are grateful, we sometimes forget to give thanks in the little things of the day. "

Today, at age 40, Maite can say that life abroad has taught her to fight and not give up, and that every sacrifice will be rewarded. For her, being an immigrant requires extra effort to succeed.

"Realizing this and learning what kind of effort is of value in the new country is one of the keys to finding a place in the new society. Adapting to another culture is not an easy task: you need to learn a new language, new social codes, new ways of behaving and new ways to build relationships. It's a daily and constant learning, but there is no doubt that it strengthens you and gives you tools to deal with any new challenge, "he added. concludes.

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