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Dear Amy, My best friend and I are separating because of different schedules, but we have always tried to save time.
Last year, she asked me to be bridesmaid for her wedding. I was flattered and very nervous because I had a serious social anxiety.
Eventually, she "demoted" me as a bridesmaid and brought in another person. This did not pose any problem; I was really relieved.
When the day finally arrived, I had a serious panic attack just before going down the alley. I was very unstable, and the waiter basically held me and was very kind as we walked down the aisle.
However, when he finally had to let me go so that we could each go home, I stumbled on my foot and I fell. I was mortified, but I got up and put myself in my place.
After the ceremony, I burst into tears at the maid of honor. I felt that I had ruined the marriage. She was very kind and offered me words of comfort. I calmed down and everything seemed to be fine the rest of the night.
Now, go ahead quickly eight months later and I have not heard a word from the bride. I apologized profusely for what I did – and nothing. I have to assume that this has to do with her wedding because I do not know at all.
What do I do?
– The maid of honor banned
Dear Banners: I am pleased that you have been surrounded by comfort and kindness during your terrible anxiety attack.
Here is a question: Did Jennifer Lawrence take a step up to get her Oscar, spoil the Oscars? (No.)
Of course you have not ruined this wedding.
However, your reaction after the fact might have inflated your role in your friend's big day.
When you apologized for "ruining" this wedding, you said two things: "Your marriage was ruined.The title of your wedding – the most important thing that happened that day was that I was falling. "
None of these things are true. Both statements seem to make the day about you.
I hope you will meet a therapist to talk about your social anxiety and its impact on your life. You may be able to learn strategies to deal with an anxiety attack in the process. Give the bride a break and contact her down the road once you have gained some perspective.
Dear Amy, Why is it considered appropriate to take pictures of people anytime, anywhere – and use them as you wish?
My photo was taken in class, at seminars and conventions, at parties, family reunions and even during worship, always by surprise and never after asking permission.
When I ask the photographer to move on, he looks surprised and offended and acts as if I were a rude wet blanket.
In fact, they interrupt our activities, intervene in our conversation and our concentration and assume that we accept that our privacy is violated.
I would not mind being asked to be part of a group photo so I could politely refuse if I wanted to.
As it stands, it seems that if you participate in any group activity, your photo could be published and broadcast anywhere, without your knowledge and without your permission.
Is there a subtle and graceful way to deter these bugs?
– shy camera
Dear Shy, It is possible that when you register for a seminar or purchase tickets for an event, you tacitly agree to have your photo taken and used without realizing it. Some organizations incorporate language into their standard contract that anyone who buys a ticket (or clicks "accept") also agrees to have their photo taken and shared.
Otherwise, I do not think you should look for subtle or graceful ways to deter people from taking your picture. You should just say, "Please, do not take my picture."
Dear Amy, Your antisemitic response to "Disgusted Husband" has upset me. She refused to attend an orthodox bar mitzvah ceremony because he considered her as "sexist."
Shame on you.
– also disgusted
Dear Disgusted: In my response, I pointed out that many conservative religious practices (including conservative Christian denominations) are sexist "in structure, if not on the surface". I have also stressed that anyone has the right to practice his religion as he sees fit, and that if "disgusted" does not like him, he should stay home.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson by email at [email protected].) Readers can send a mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
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