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Dear Amy: For several years we have had a small, tight-knit group of friends with whom we do essentially everything.
All of our children play together, even though they attend different schools.
Our children do not have the opportunity to learn online and go to school in person. Their people are at home. For this reason, the families remained separated.
It was emotionally hard for us. We have missed them and can’t help but feel left out as we can’t join any of their group activities.
In October, when I included a few sentences in a group email about our son playing soccer, I received a very angry / upset email response.
I was told how this news upset my friend (to the point of crying), as they kept their children at home without any outside activity.
She said she didn’t want to hear anything about my children’s activities.
I apologized, but since then she has ghosted me.
Are we socially irresponsible? We made the decision on football because all the children in my son’s class were enrolled. We decided that the risk of increased exposure was quite low.
But, no matter how comfortable we are with the risk of exposure to our own family, is it irresponsible to take risks (big or small) against the backdrop of the overall social impact of a possible spread of this disease? ?
I think that’s ultimately why my friend is so mad at us. We try to minimize exposure outside the home (this year’s vacation was just our home) and we wear masks everywhere, but obviously we haven’t isolated ourselves to the same degree as some.
I cried more this year than all my other years combined.
– Lonely and ghost
Dear loner: You seem to think your friend is judging you to be socially irresponsible for involving your son in activities that his school has deemed safe.
I do not interpret his reaction in the same way. She is sequestered – quarantined, essentially – with her children. It is such a tender time, you can surely imagine that your relative privileges make her sad about her family situation.
It reminds me of when I felt particularly trapped and lonely (due to work, personal obligations and financial limitations). Someone I really love continued to post photos from their wonderful extended trip to the Amalfi Coast.
In this case, I might “hide” these messages until I feel less responsive and more expansive. In the case of a group email, the recipient cannot excise the lines that make them so envious and sad.
You cried, I cried, we all cried.
And now, let’s try to recognize each other’s tenderness as we feel our own and react with compassion.
I suggest you keep in touch with your friend. Don’t choose that painful spot, instead try to reestablish your previous friendly contact. She and the children might like to receive cards and letters sent in the mail.
Dear Amy: Like many, I am looking forward to my turn for the COVID-19 vaccine. But I am faced with an ethical / moral dilemma.
I am in a high risk category, over 65, obese, with high blood pressure (under good control with medication). This will probably put me pretty high on the vaccine list.
I am very fortunate to have a job where I work from home and can access groceries and other necessities via pickup or delivery. In other words, except for the occasional doctor visit, I don’t need to go out.
Do you think it is good for me to get vaccinated as soon as I am eligible? I absolutely think healthcare workers should get vaccinated as soon as possible. But what about people who work in grocery stores, restaurants or whatever? Is it okay for me to stand in line in front of them?
– Wrestling
Dear Wrestling: If you have no (or extremely limited) contact with others, then it seems more ethical that you expect a vaccine. I hope that with wide distribution this type of choice may not be necessary.
Dear Amy: “Sugar Mama” didn’t like her boyfriend’s fiscal irresponsibility.
When my wife and I got married, we set up three chequing accounts: ours, hers, hers. We each deposited equally to “Bear” and it was used to pay all common and household bills.
Neither of us was allowed to question how the other used our (small) personal account.
– Happily married 30 years
Dear Happy Married: That was basically my suggestion to “Sugar Mama”.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
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