Ask Amy: grandmother does not want adopted child in family photo



Dear readers: I moved away from Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited chronicles "best of" in my absence. All these questions and answers were published for the first time 10 years ago. The subject of today: The little girl is like the little one.

Dear Amy: I had a child before meeting my husband. When we got married, my husband adopted my daughter, who was one year old at the time. We then had three children together. Now they have all grown up and have children.

My mother-in-law wants to have a "generation image". She plans to include only the children that my husband and I have biologically brought together. My husband considers my daughter as "our" daughter.

Is it impolite for his mother to ask for pictures with our other children and exclude her?

If my mother-in-law does not include our daughter in the photo, I think that no photo should be taken.

Confused and hurt

Confused and injured: Your mother-in-law's distinction between biological and adopted children is shocking. Adoptive parents are "real" parents in all respects.

It is somewhat surprising that all your children are now adults, yet your mother-in-law persists in differentiating them. You and your husband should have clarified it many years ago. If that is not the case, or if she has forgotten what makes a family, now is the time to educate her about it. I completely agree with your requirements regarding this family photo.

Dear Amy: I work in a community college. The college has recently installed two lactation rooms; the manual states that students should not bring children to class.

We have a staff member who had a baby nine months ago. She leaves her office to pump three times a day for 20 minutes (one hour a day). That was not a problem for me – until she told people that her son had stopped breastfeeding two months ago, but she was not ready to give up on her. " Mom's time. "

She continues to shoot because it's a good way of contraception and continue to lose baby weight.

None of us would be allowed to leave our office an hour a day to do any exercise. Why should she be allowed to pump for weight loss?

Equity for all

Equity for all: I applaud your college's commitment to meeting the needs of mothers who want to work and / or continue their education, while continuing to feed their babies naturally. But let's clarify a few things: Your colleague's baby might have stopped breastfeeding, but his child could still drink breast milk at the bottle, which would require shooting during the day.

Lactation does not allow for consistent birth control. If your colleague thinks this common misconception (excuse the pun), this could lead to an unplanned pregnancy – not to mention your resentment at her breastfeeding breaks. In addition, breastfeeding does not necessarily speed up weight loss after the baby is born.

If your colleague's pumping schedule prevents him from working to the extent that it interferes with your ability to do your job or disrupts the operation of the office, you must inform your supervisor. Otherwise, stick to your knitting.

Dear Amy: My parents divorced when I was young. I have lived most of the time with my mother.

My room at my father's house was sometimes used for guests when I was not visiting, and I had no objection to that.

Several years ago, I was visiting for Thanksgiving, as was my mother-in-law's sister. The room choices were to stay either in my room or in a guest / craft room.

My room was bigger and my mother-in-law's sister came first and was put there!

When I arrived several days later, they said that the first guest to arrive is usually assigned the largest room. So I stayed in the craft room. Would not they have had to keep my room for me?

Moved to VA

Moved to VA: Should not you have offered to give your room to your family guest? Yes, you should have. You have had this little complaint for several years. Let it go.

Dear readers: Are you curious about my past and my life outside the confines of this space? Read my two memoirs: "The Powerful Queens of Freeville "and" Foreigners tend to tell me things ", available wherever books are sold or borrowed.

© 2019 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency


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