[ad_1]
Dear Amy: My son is in a relationship with a woman (a little older). She has three children from two previous relationships.
My son was not ready to move in with her, but the pregnancy did happen. Now they have a child together. My son moved in with her (of course).
I tried to be friendly with her, but she’s not the type to reciprocate. His great rule is to call before coming. “My house, my rules” is her line of choice. His rules seem to strain the relationship with my son and anyone else involved. This ‘call first’ business is not how I was brought up, so it seems very foreign to me – very distant!
Now she tells me that I don’t know enough about my grandson, so she won’t ask for help with babysitting or leave him with me.
My ex is obviously doing whatever it takes, so she makes sure he’s tagged in photos on Facebook, as she twice took me out of her friendship. Now I can’t see any photos even though she tags my son in a message. I think she needs to see a doctor or maybe get treatment. At this point all I can do is pray that she changes her mind.
No suggestion?
– worried mom
Dear Mom: First this: if your son is not ready to have children and settle down, it is called birth control. I suggest you talk to him about it. “The pregnancy,” which “happened,” is what made him a father.
“Call first before you come” is not an unreasonable rule – in fact, in my opinion, anyway, you just need to drop by a family who has a baby in the house whenever you feel like it is. is inconsiderate.
So if her rule makes her seem distant, then yours makes you seem intrusive.
Either way, this notion of “my house, my rules” may seem like a battle line, but it is true that parents control access to their children. And now, because you don’t seem inclined to abide by those rules or boundaries, you are being held back.
Your son is the father of this baby. If he wants you to see the baby, he may be able to bring the child to your home for a visit.
Frankly, from the tone of your question, it looks like you’ve met your partner with this woman your son has chosen to have a family with.
You obviously need help dealing with your frustration and anger about this. Therapy and / or medication may help.
Dear Amy: My brother divorced his first wife “Marcia” almost 10 years ago. He has since remarried a wonderful woman my family adores.
Problem is, my ex-sister-in-law insists on showing up at family events, which makes these celebrations extremely awkward.
Even her own children recognize how uncomfortable her presence makes everyone.
I won’t mind being the “bad guy” and telling her that she’s not welcome to family events, but I don’t want to cause an ugly scene.
How can I diplomatically (but firmly) tell him to get out of this?
I would appreciate any suggestions.
– Family villain
Dear Guy, Unless your whole family votes and declares you their official representative, you really should only speak for yourself.
And if the person who organizes these events specifically invites “Marcia”, then understand that you are not speaking for everyone.
Expressing your own feelings (and not speaking for others) gives you the benefit of clarity and verification, which comes in handy when other family members decide to passively throw you under the bus (eg ” Marcia – What? Brad said you’re not welcome here? Why, I can’t imagine what he was thinking…! ”)
You won’t cause any sort of scene if you ask if you can talk to her in private. Say, “I’ve wanted to say this for a while, but I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. But I want you to know that your presence at these family events makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Dear Amy: “Devastated” wondered if she had gone too far in ending her husband’s relationship with his athletic friend. Easy solution – claim this role yourself! Walking with a partner can have huge health and relationship benefits.
It definitely made our marriage stronger (although we have to get up at dawn to fit in!)
– Big fan of CA
Dear fan: Absolutely. Now that “Upset” has scared her husband’s workout buddy off, she should put on her own sneakers and go out.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
[ad_2]
Source link