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Dear Amy: I have a friend who is going through a very difficult time in her life; she is facing a possible divorce.
She is undergoing individual therapy and marriage counseling, but experiences sadness and mental anguish about her situation. She is worried about the future.
She claims she doesn’t have depression, but I wonder.
I try to be supportive and understanding; I listen to her, try not to give advice and remind her that she has friends and family who love her and will support her no matter what.
I try to remind him of the joys in life and encourage him to take a mental break from time to time. I also offer to spend time with her, but she almost always refuses.
Is there anything else I can do to support her through this dark time in her life?
– Worried friend
Dear worried: You seem to be a really good, constant and consistent friend. Your presence in his life – even in retreat – will help give him strength.
You might ask her if she wants to talk about her experience with (individual) therapy. Describing aloud some of the coaching she received could help her continue to make positive connections and add insight.
You’ve spent a lot of time listening to her, but sometimes you might ask her to help you with something. Working on a project together might help get her out of her head a bit.
I highly recommend poet Maggie Smith’s recent book as a gift for your friend: “Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change” (2020, Atria / One Signal Publishers).
Dear Amy: I recently bought a wonderful vacation cabin with a couple.
I own 50 percent and they own 50 percent. They also have 6 year old twins.
Before buying, we had long conversations about our plans and thoughts on using the cabin.
I was clear that I wanted to buy it primarily to USE it, but we could also rent it.
They said they would be traveling for eight weeks in the summer, and they had no problem with me being in the cabin for some or most of that time.
I even asked if I should pay more for utilities, and they insisted it wasn’t necessary.
Now that the sale is final, everything has changed.
Each decision is two (them) against one (me).
They also “forced” our schedule to rotate from month to month (I wanted from week to week), meaning there will be at least two months of the summer season where I wouldn’t be. able to use the house at all.
I’m also a member of the country club and since it’s only open during the summer months it’s a lot of wasted money.
No matter how much I express my feelings, I am “out of the vote”.
I was super excited about this place, now I can’t even think about it without getting excited.
To help!
– Miserable in paradise
Dear Wretch: You don’t write down what owned you to buy a property with these people with so little legal preparation, but you should see a real estate lawyer quickly to define your property, establish a legal co-ownership agreement between you and them. others, and educate you about your mutual rights and responsibilities. You should also research how to sell your share of the property, if applicable.
If you are a 50/50 joint owner of this property, you have one vote and they have one vote. They rely on your passivity when they outdo you.
If they have decided to alternate from month to month and there is three months of summer season there, then why not have two months and them one month?
If their kids are tied to a traditional school calendar, then you could probably take June and August, or July and September. Or you could go month-to-month during the months other than summer and take the 12 weeks that include June, July, and August and negotiate the six weeks (consecutive or not) that you – and them – would live in. House.
Dear Amy: Thank you for your thoughtful response to “Afraid to Rock the Boat,” a survivor trying to recover from the trauma of her childhood in therapy.
I appreciated that you advised her to ask her therapist if she should delve into her past. For many people, taking a “deep dive” like this could re-traumatize them. The forward movement might be the best direction for her.
– Was there
Dear Been There: This is an important “process” question to discuss.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
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