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Dear Amy: I write about a curious thing my husband does and tends to hurt me. I do not know how he can be inconsiderate or sensitive.
It tends to look for negative information about people and things that I like. He also does this for things that he likes.
For the most recent example, I regularly read the web comic xkcd. For no obvious reason, at Sunday dinner, he mended his phone with a long post from a major philosophy blog about the degree of disdain of the xkcd writer towards outsiders to the STEM fields.
I am not completely unfriendly to majors in philosophy, but I do not care. It's just a funny comic.
This is one of the many small examples. My husband recently stopped listening to music from two European music groups who liked him because he read that they were related to far right causes.
He thinks it's relevant or conversational to talk about such things, but I feel like there are a lot of little things that I like.
Your thoughts?
Do not hurt me
Dear do not hit: I think you are too sensitive. Your husband seems to be consistent in his desire for information, as well as in his choice to follow this trail of information until a conclusion, even unpleasant. It applies this measure to many cultural issues, including those that engage it.
You simply want freedom – and you have the right – to love what you love, without being bothered by the inclinations of blogger philosophers. You do not say that your husband is shaming you, but it seems that access to any potentially negative information will make you feel defensive.
You might not successfully change his boring behavior. You can certainly change your reaction to that.
You should try to return your immediate response. Suppose that his deep searches in the cultural background are not meant to hurt you. Also, feel free to tell him that you find it annoying to pass a blog post on the table during Sunday dinner.
You can also say, "Hey, why do not you send me a link to this article and I'll see if I want to read it later."
What you should not do is that it hurts your feelings.
Dear Amy: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. We are doing the knot this year.
I asked my colleague (who was a good friend at the time) to be my maid of honor.
Over the past year, she became verbally abusive to me, tried to sabotage my job and get fired, and talked about me behind my back to clients.
After another awful week, I decided that not only could I not have someone who treated me so badly at my wedding party, but that now I do not even want her at my wedding.
My question is how to approach her professionally and tell her that I do not want her at my party or at my wedding.
I have to work with this woman every day, and I fear that she will stall abuse.
I went to the owner several times; they are aware of the situation, but have chosen to avoid the problem of relationships with this person, who earns a lot of money.
I am not the only employee to experience this. I can not leave because it is difficult to find another job in this field.
Desperate Bride
Dear desperate, You present a number of reasons why facing this bully can be difficult, but what choice do you have?
You must break up with her.
Say (in person, privately): "Our relationship seems to be disintegrating. I will let you escape from the point of view of my marriage. To move forward, I would like to focus on maintaining a peaceful professional relationship. "
After that, stay calm. Do not talk about your wedding at work, do not send an invitation to her, minimize your interactions with her, do not record her unprofessional behavior, and repel her when she tries to intimidate you.
Dear Amy: "Concerned in Colorado" was unhappy with the criminal background of his supervisor. But then she also said that she had checked the records "in the state where he lives". They are obviously in different places. Why is she so nervous?
You missed this obvious fact!
With eagle eyes
Dear Eagle-Eyed: Colorado borders seven states. Many people live in one state and work in another. "Concerned" noted that they work in the same office.
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