Ask Amy: The grandfather has a new wife and a new will

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Dear Amy, My grandfather is well off. He saved and spent very little all his life. For many years, he promised my mother and us that we would receive a great legacy. My grandmother died several years ago and we are the only members of her close family that she has left her.

A few months ago, my grandfather started to see a younger woman. My mother and I were supportive. They married just a few weeks ago and look very happy together. However, my grandfather recently called Mom and me and informed us that we were no longer his heirs. He decided to leave everything to his new wife!

Amy, I do not feel entitled to his money. I m not care if I get money or not. I am more worried about my mother. She lives with a very low income and I know she was relying on her father's inheritance to be able to think about retiring. Now she is depressed and thinks she will have to work to death.

I am not in a much better situation myself and I can not afford to help mom alone. Meanwhile, my grandfather and his new wife are constantly sending us pictures of their luxury vacations. They have also recently bought a second home.

To be clear, I do not think my grandfather's new wife is a gold digger. She seems to really like her and, as a member of a wealthy family, she does not need her money. This seems to be purely my grandfather's decision.

Would it be inappropriate to contact my grandfather to ask him to consider reinstating my mom as heir? I do not care what he does with me, but it really upset him.

– Girl concerned

Worried: Your grandfather may have made this decision to show his wife, just after her wedding, how much he loves her and that he is proud to declare her as his next-of-kin . (They could also have a pre-nup.)

His motivation could have been more emotional than practical (or punitive).

Yes, I think you should talk to him about it.

Make sure you reflect your positive reaction to her marriage: "I'm so glad you found such a wonderful partner, Shelly is such a great asset to our family, I understand that you love each other and that you are fully committed to I also recognize that you have absolutely the right to do what you want with your will.I am glad you have informed your mother and me of your intentions, but I feel the need to defend the interests of mom … "

Describe his situation honestly. Repeat that you understand and respect his right to do what he wants to do, but ask him to also consider these other factors in his estate planning.

Dear Amy, I am an older, introverted woman who has kept diaries, journals and notes all my life. And naturally, in them, I "drop my hair". The time has come for me to destroy them – I would not want anyone to find them after I leave.

Unfortunately, they are found in various binders made of plastic, hardboard or spiral. I do not know how to dispose of it, and there is a ton of it. The thought of having to extract the paper from the covers is overwhelming.

One thing I think I can do is take a few at a time, pack them in black plastic and put them in the trash, hoping no one will find them.

Do you have a better suggestion?

– Submerged

Dear crushed: If you are absolutely certain to want to do that, you should think about shredding.

If you do not want to buy a shredder and separate the paper binders to do it at home, there are professional shredding companies that will send you a truck home and do it on the spot while you look.

Some companies that I have researched have announced that they would shred books.

Dear Amy, The letter of the "sad mother" (divorced) told my story. His youngest son would not call for his birthday or Mother's Day.

This line has jumped to my eyes: "It actually shows what it feels for itself."

It's so true! His son could be in mourning for the divorce.

I too have not received any sign from my son for birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc.

I never pushed it, because mourning takes time. It took my son three years!

– patient

Dear patient, Patience often works better than pushing.

(You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at the address [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or Facebook.)

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