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Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our late sixties. We have no children.
We are usually invited by nieces and nephews to join them for Thanksgiving dinner.
My problem is with my brother, “Jack”, who inevitably brings up topics we don’t agree with (he believes COVID is just mild flu, vaccines don’t help, last election has been robbed, the current president is stupid, climate change is a hoax, etc.).
Most of the family supported the former president in the last election; we are probably the only ones in the family who voted Democrat.
At one of the last family gatherings, Jack and another family member were arguing in front of my husband, saying that most Democrats don’t go to church and have no morals.
My husband didn’t say anything, but he was offended.
While we would love to see family members, we believe we will be staying home over Thanksgiving.
When and if we are invited, I can say that we have done other projects, but someone will inevitably ask what we are doing. Should I just tell Jack I’m sick of bringing up inflammatory topics and staying home?
I know he will not refrain from broaching these subjects, and he is very dogmatic in his views.
– Tiredness
Dear Tired: In addition to the political divide, you described an incident where your husband was offended (for good reason), but did not respond.
Why not?
You seem extremely passive in the face of this onslaught, perhaps because it’s overwhelming at the moment, but it seems to me that these family members aren’t starting to argue – because they all agree with each other. others.
All the same – it’s maddening to be lectured, especially since your man is in the White House.
You don’t have to make up an excuse to refuse this year. Just tell them you’ve decided to take a break from politics.
Dear Amy: I have been fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom to our son for the past five years. This year he is at school.
Considering the unpredictability of the school year (possible virtual school, quarantine, etc.) and the demanding work of my husband, we agreed that I should continue to stay at home this year.
I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease late last year and agreed that it was good for me to have time to focus on my health.
Over the past two weeks, I have received several calls / texts from panicked friends because their child suddenly has a virtual school due to COVID cases in their classroom, or they are being kicked out of daycare at home due to fevers or cold / flu-like symptoms.
These mothers ask me to look after their children all or part of the day so that they can go to work or attend pre-planned activities.
I hesitate to spend long periods with sick children or who have been around other sick children.
So my policy is that I will help, only if the child has a current negative COVID test.
I received flippant responses: (ie “Doesn’t matter” and “I don’t plan to take a test because they haven’t been exposed”).
It made me wonder if I am being unreasonable.
I think some of my friends think that since I have all this “free time” I would make a great free babysitter. At the end of the day, I know they are stressed and I want to help them, but I also want to keep my family safe.
What are your thoughts?
– A loyal reader
Dear Loyal: You don’t have to justify your choice to deny child care for children who come home from school because they are sick, or may have been exposed to COVID.
You also don’t have to justify your choice not to babysit under any circumstances. You just have to keep in mind that parents exchange favors related to children over time, and you might one day be able to ask.
Now that you have refused and received freezing responses, these parents will have understood that you are not going to be available to them for backup.
Dear Amy: You argued that a father who refused to address his child with his new “non-binary” identity was “hateful”.
Just because the cultural paradigm has changed, the truth and science haven’t changed.
Amy, you are alienating and marginalizing a significant portion of the population.
– SB
Dear SB: Ironically, “alienating and marginalizing” was exactly what this father did.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
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