[ad_1]
Dear Amy: I have an older brother who is currently battling lymphoma and stage 4 liver cancer. It’s too late for surgery, so they are treating him on an outpatient basis. The outlook is not great.
My twin brother was recently hired to work in a funeral home.
He emails me and our older brother almost daily regarding his duties at the funeral home.
These emails are extremely detailed accounts of preparing the bodies (“they don’t complain”), transporting the bodies, preparing for the funeral, placing the heavy casket on the grave on slings and straps. , then waiting for the family to leave to be able to lower the coffin down (“sometimes it seems like forever”).
Amy, I struggle with these emails, thinking that if I was the one beating me for my life, I wouldn’t want to read or hear about this.
These details have upset me, but I’m more concerned about my older brother and how it affects him.
However, I don’t want to open a pot of worms.
My husband says don’t get involved and don’t get involved.
I’m not sure what to do.
Do you have any ideas or suggestions on what I could say?
– Mourning
Dear Mourning: First of all, making fun of the important and sacred work of preparing a body for burial (“they don’t complain”) is extremely unprofessional and callous.
Every body passing through this funeral home was a loved one, friend or family member of someone who paid the funeral home for this important service. The deceased and the members of his family must be respected, both during the preparation of the burial and afterwards.
Your twin brother is in desperate need of sensitivity training.
When your husband advises you to “stay out of it,” what is he saying? These emails are addressed to you, so I would say you’re already there.
These notifications upset you, so you have the right (and responsibility) to tell your brother the truth about how they affect you.
I suggest you send him an email: “I can tell by your detailed descriptions that your work is exciting. I am really happy for you that you seem to like your job. However, to be completely honest, I find the detailed discussions of what goes on behind the scenes at the funeral home very disturbing – in large part because our older brother is currently fighting for his own life. I don’t know what he thinks of these descriptions, but in my opinion I would like you to be more sensitive.
Dear Amy: My mother passed away in 1996. She gave me her wedding ring.
My youngest nephew, who is also my mother’s youngest grandson, was going to marry a second time to a girl I really thought was “the right one”. (Her first marriage ended in divorce.)
Anyway, I gave my nephew my mother’s ring for this wedding. He was so moved that he cried. I knew he loved the idea.
Well, the second marriage only lasted five years.
My nephew has three daughters from his first marriage, and I would prefer the ring to stay in the family.
Do I have the right to request the return of the ring?
– Hoping
Dear Hope: You have the right to ask for anything, as long as your expectations are reasonable.
I guess your nephew gave this ring to his second wife. State laws appear to vary with respect to whether covenants are marital property (owned by both and subject to division in the event of divorce) or separate property (owned individually). Family heirlooms are often seen as a separate category and (according to my research) a judge might request that the ring be returned to your family.
If the two didn’t divorce in court, but had a cordial relationship, your nephew could certainly ask his ex if she would return the ring in order to keep it in your family.
Yes, you have the right to ask him if he would be willing to try.
Dear Amy: “Hurt in Ohio” was very upset because a brother received all of the family photo albums after their mother died.
Please note that parents should divide photos in order to pass them on to all family members.
My mother prepared albums or each of her children and left other photos with the direction that we should share and exchange.
– grateful
Dear Grateful: Family photos have little monetary value, but their emotional value is impossible to measure.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
[ad_2]
Source link