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If you've ever dealt with toxic family members, you've probably felt for Meghan Markle, now the Duchess of Susbad, in recent months.
A few weeks before his royal wedding on May 19, his half-brother Thomas Markle Jr. made headlines with a scathing letter sent to the tabloids who claimed that she had cut off her family and urged Prince Harry to reconsider the wedding.
Last week, her half-sister Samantha Grant, Markles most virulent, escalated the family feud with a series of angry tweets on her private account targeting the former actress. Several outlets have captured screenshots of tweets.
"My father is not embarrbaded to love his daughter! The Royals are embarrbaded to have been so cold," Grant wrote June 17. "You should be ashamed of yourself- even @KensingtonRoyal. "
" How about paying homage to your own father ?! Enough, that's enough, "Grant continued." Act like a humanitarian act like a woman! If our father dies, I hold you responsible, Meg! (Grant would appear on the next season of "Celebrity Big Brother" from the UK, so get ready for more of this "despised sister" act.)
The tweet tirade took place two days after the Duchess of Susbad's father, Thomas Markle, told the Sun that he thought his daughter was "terrified" and that she had not spoken to him since the day after his marriage to Prince Harry. .
It can be difficult to watch a family drama on such a public stage – even more so if you have family members just as difficult and can tell you. It can not be easy either for the new born royal in the United States
With this in mind, we asked family therapists to share the advice they would give to the Duchess of Susbad – and to anyone having toxic members of the family. 19659009] 1. Sometimes the best line of defense is continuous silence.
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Except for a statement carefully released by Kensington Palace just before the wedding, the Duke and Duchess of Susbad remained silent on the subject of his family.
It may be for the better; When dealing with toxic family members, disengagement is usually your greatest form of protection, said Sherrie Campbell, a psychologist from Southern California.
"Toxic people usually do not change, even their kindness can be a form of manipulation," said Campbell. "I do not think she's cut ties with them to hurt them, but in order to protect herself." Meghan must remember that she deserves to be loved without games, manipulation and goats emissaries. "
2. Set fair but tough ground rules if you decide to commit.
Marie Land, a psychologist in Washington, DC, told HuffPost that the Duchess of Susbad's family did not realize how offensive their unilateral public moron was. When it comes to family members who seem determined to run wild, it is entirely appropriate to disconnect, or at least to establish strict but fair communication rules
"Meghan is adult and she can tell her family that she is open to talking and engaging in certain conditions, "Land said. "It could be something like," I'm happy to talk to you and work on our relationship until you talk to the media. I would say it's a pretty low and reasonable bar for the other Markles. meet. "
3. Recognize that it is common for adults to have to distance themselves from the family.
Many grow up and realize that their family of origin does not have their Best interests at heart According to Ms. Carrie Barron, psychiatrist and director of the Creativity for Resilience program at the Dell Medical School in Austin, Texas, the emotional distance from the people you want to love is " one of the most difficult human tasks. "19659005]" Grieve for what you did not have, but then move on, "she said." Fight the natural urge to be close your family of toxic origin, to try to solve it, is important. Detach. If others judge you because you have not invited these people to your home or marriage or blocked the phone line, then be it.
4. Bend into the friends and family who supported you
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Sources state that the Duchess of Susbad's relationship with her siblings has always been tense. She also seems to hold her father at arm's length, after rumors have emerged that he has staged paparazzi photos before the wedding
Meanwhile, his relationship with his mother seems to be close.
I have so much fun together, and yet I will always find so much comfort in her support, "she said about Ragland at Glamor last August. "This duality coexists in the same way as with a best friend."
This natural inclination toward a parent is perfectly fine, says Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of It Ends with You: Growing Up and Out of Dysfunction
"It's all right that She prefers to be in touch with her mother, who seems to understand how to behave, "said Tessina. "It is normal for anyone who responds well to those who respect and treat them well, and keep their distance from those who do not respect them."
Embrace your new family, too.
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The members of the royal family do not lack experience with unruly family members. (Remember that Edward VIII voluntarily abdicated the throne to marry the American divorced Wallis Simpson?) Their reluctance to comment on the antics of the Duchess of Susbad's family is probably intentional, Land said.
"Rather than answering each story, if they want to support it as best as they can, the royal family should focus on listening to Meghan and asking him about it. "opportunity, not constantly, if there is way to help," the earth said.
The therapist added, "She has lost the sense of control of her life with all the gossip that her family has publicly spread, she needs to feel as if she has some power in the situation and that she is not in control. she does not have to deal with the extra stress of feeling guilty because of the way it reflects the royal family. "
6. If people are judging you to disconnect with hostile family members, try taking it in the process.
There is no lack of judgment when someone makes the decision to disengage from a family member. The Duchess of Susbad had her share of criticism, including Piers Morgan. Earlier this month, television personality wrote an editorial in the Daily Mail to reprimand her "stone silence" for her father.
It's easy to judge from the outside, says Baron. More often than not, those who have not grown up with toxic family members do not understand that separation from the family can feel like an act of survival.
"It takes a lot of courage to let go," she said. "Meghan has to identify with the people who raise her with their good character, their good heart, their dynamism and their humanity.In her case, people love her mother, so she and no matter what. who with the toxic family should follow the words of the poet Mary Oliver and live their "wild and precious life" without guilt or fear. "
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