Ben Higgins details her fight with drug addiction, Lauren Bushnell splits in new book

Ben Higgins talks about his struggle with drug addiction for the first time.

In his new book, “Alone in Plain Sight: Searching for Connection When you’re Seen but Not Known,” released on Tuesday, the former bachelor revealed he was addicted to pain relievers in the past, noting that it started after injured her knee in high school and then had two surgeries.

“I knew I had to get rid of it, but I had a hard time doing it when, after each operation, I was prescribed again,” Higgins wrote in the book, per E! Online. “Plus, a lot of people I chose to date at this point in my life were also taking pain relievers.”

“Getting rid of the painkillers became even more difficult when a different kind of pain hit,” he continued, noting that he had been rejected from his highest business school, than his girlfriend at the time. had cheated on him and that his father had fallen ill again.

Higgins said that the “last piece of [his] the dark puzzle fell into place “when it” began to treat people as objects that existed for my pleasure. “

“I don’t want to go into too much detail, but suffice to say that I used a young lady as nothing more than an object for my pleasure,” he recalls. “When it was over, I pushed her away. I didn’t care about her history or her desire for a relationship that wasn’t just physical and lasted more than a night. I didn’t care if I hurt her. Everything I cared about myself. “

Although the former “The Bachelorette” said he didn’t remember much of the mornings during his four month period of “bedridden shame and darkness”, he did remember when he had a breakthrough.

“When I made eye contact with myself, I felt like the devil himself was looking at me. ‘Oh my God,’ I said aloud. ‘Who is this? He’s not the man I always wanted to be, ‘”Higgins wrote. “I really wanted to say the words, ‘Oh, my God.’ It was the first prayer I had said in a very long time – and perhaps the most honest prayer I have ever said.… I confessed to God how empty my life had become and I did not. didn’t want to stay on this path. “If you’re real,” I cried, “save me from me.”

Speaking with Us Weekly about his book, Higgins said it was “difficult”, “strange” and “always difficult” for the public to be aware of his past struggles now. However, he noted that he hopes others can relate.

The reality TV star – who said it took her two years to write the book – also acknowledged how his ghostwriter helped him detail his battle with addiction.

“My ghostwriter would help me dig a little deeper because there was a point in time where I stabilized a bit and I was a little too surface on things,” Higgins said. “I had to bring him in towards the end to help me… [and] to ask the right questions. “

Meanwhile, also in his book, Higgins opened up about what happened towards the end of his relationship with Lauren Bushnell, revealing that they finally broke up over the phone.

If you remember, Higgins and Bushnell got engaged at the end of the former’s season on “The Bachelor” in 2016. The former couple went on to have their own spinoff series, “Ben and Lauren, Happily Ever After ? “

According to Higgins, the title of the show had a question mark because the producers “felt there were problems in Heaven.”

“By the time” Happily forever? “came, there wasn’t much joy left in our relationship. The tension and pain had taken their place,” he recalls in his book, which he had previously said that Bushnell had signed. “None of us did. was happy, but we still did our best to make the relationship work. We went to couples therapy and counseling, but no matter how many steps forward we took, it seemed like something would hit us. and we would be. back to confusion and doubt. “

When Higgins and Bushnell ended their engagement in May 2017, he claims the two decided to do it over the phone, with Higgins saying he “felt a lot healthier” not to do it in person.

“At the end, we were barely talking. The breakup itself came over the phone. If you’re wondering how to end an engagement with a phone call, trust me when I say we both preferred,” Higgins wrote. “Neither of us needed another tortured face-to-face conversation about our relationship. It was as if our stint on the show was never really over. At least that’s not the bad part. When the time came to throw in the towel, making it felt a lot healthier in a phone call for both of us. “

After his split from Bushnell, Higgins starred in “The Bachelor Winter Games” in 2018 but left the series early. He has been in a relationship with Jessica Clark since November 2018 and the two got engaged in March. Bushnell, meanwhile, is currently expecting her first child with her husband, country star Chris Lane.

Despite the fact that he and his ex both have a serious relationship, Higgins said: “Strangers are still asking me about [Bushnell] and why we broke up. “

“Alone in Plain Sight” is now available.