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Dear readers: I briefly moved away from my column to work on a new writing project. This week, I'm re-reading the topical questions and answers from 10 years ago. Today's topic was tackled at the dawn of Facebook: Friendships on Social Networks.
Dear Amy: What is the best course of action to follow when someone who has tormented you in high school and college asks to be your friend on Facebook? Should I assume that this person has changed for the better and add it as "friend"? Or should I click on "Ignore"?
A friend?
Dear friend?: People use Facebook in different ways. For some users, Facebook is only another place to broadcast their latest activities. They accumulate "friends", do not discern their contacts, but simply in quantity. (I guess that's how I became "friend" with Ryan Seacrest.) Others use Facebook as an opportunity to make themselves, to renew themselves or to keep in touch with real friends.
If you do not want to accept this person in your virtual life, then absolutely not. Do not think too much about it – the opening of your former executioner may not be personal, but it's a constant cry in your phone book. (December 2009)
Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-twenties and I just finished my master's degree. I am in contact with several colleagues and professionals on a popular social networking site. I have met a group of wonderful girlfriends in college and we also stay in touch on this same site.
The problem is that some of my friends continue to post pictures taken many years ago at the university. None of the photos are really scandalous, but I would be embarrassed if a potential employer saw a picture of me posing with giant beers in a crowded bar.
My friends seem to think that it's trivial and funny, but I work in a competitive field and I want to be taken seriously. Is my concern legitimate? I cherish my friends, but would I be bothered to ask them to delete pictures of me from their pages? How can I do it without offending?
I was wondering
Dear Wonderful: Your letter should be laminated and posted on the dormitory whiteboards as a warning. Unlike the fleeting sensation of a shot by Jell-O, these juvenile thirsty beer and bikini pictures have a way to survive their original entertainment value. You should tell your friends: "Could you all help me and post only old photos of me that my Grammy would not have the trouble to see?"
According to human resource professionals, employers are increasingly consulting with social networking sites to make sure their future employees are respectable and prudent. If your friends can not imagine how these photos can embarrass you professionally, they are not doing enough. (January 2009)
Dear Amy: My cousin kicked me out years ago and never explained, excused or even admitted to having done anything inappropriate. I am polite to her, but I do not feel safe with people who use me as a garbage dump. She thinks I do not have feelings or care.
Now, my cousin has sent a request for "friends" on Facebook. I do not think Facebook is the place to repair our relationship. I would feel rude to just ignore the request, but I would feel uncomfortable sending him a message via Facebook, which would open my Facebook page. What is the most appropriate way to tell him I do not want to be a Facebook friend?
Without friends on Facebook
Dear friends, Based on the tone of your letter, I think it's entirely possible that your cousin is completely unaware that her speech of all these years has touched you deeply. (For people who do not know it, Facebook is an internet social networking site where people can invite a large group of "friends" to interact online.)
Your cousin has probably contacted dozens or even hundreds of people, asking them to become his "friends" on Facebook. Based on your distant relationship, you could probably ignore it and she would not notice it. However, I think you should seriously consider connecting with her on the site. I do not agree with you that Facebook is not the place to resume or repair your relationship. In fact, this could be the ideal place to make contact. It could become something more substantial, if you both wanted it. (February 2009)
Dear readers: You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram: @AskingAmy; on Facebook at Facebook.com/ADickinsondaily.
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