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Forget about winning five Grammys – when Billie Eilish was younger all she wanted could be summed up in one name: Justin Bieber.
“When I was 12 … it was like my first love,” the now 19-year-old “Everything I Wanted” singer said during a radio interview in the new documentary “Billie Eilish: The World’s A Bit of a Blur, ”which premieres Friday on Apple TV +.
In fact, Eilish was once so obsessed with Bieber that her mother considered taking her to therapy to deal with her fixation.
“I literally remember sobbing into a pillow because I thought, ‘I’ll never feel this for anyone. [else]Eilish says of the 26 year old “Holy” crooner. “I was literally terrified that when I had a boyfriend when I was older, he didn’t compare.
Later, the most moving part of the documentary comes when Eilish meets Bieber at Coachella in 2019 after he just collaborated on a remix of his mega-hit “Bad Guy”. When they fall into the longest, biggest embrace and she cries over her shoulder, it’s clear that this moment means more to Eilish than any Grammy.
It helps explain why Eilish now has such a special bond with her own fans. “I don’t consider them to be fans, ever,” she said. “They are not my fans – they are part of me.”
Also a big part of it? His family. Mom Maggie taught Eilish how to write songs; his father, Tom, taught him to play the piano and the ukulele. And her parents – along with older brother Finneas – supported her in talent shows as a little kid growing up in Los Angeles.
“Our family was just a great f-king song,” Eilish says. “And I always make music in my brother’s room.”
“The World’s a Little Blurry” goes into the making of Eilish’s debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” From 2019, with Finneas – who produced and co-wrote the album – and his sister in their family home. Both siblings have an instinctive and symbiotic creative process built on their close bond. Despite being the architect behind her brooding, otherworldly soundscapes – he even won the Producer of the Year award for his efforts – it’s clear that she still has her own vision, even swearing to direct all of their own videos at one time.
It’s a surprise, however, when Finneas reveals that “Billie hates writing songs in general.” And her sister agrees, “Every time I wrote a song that I really love, I hated the process,” she says. “It tortures me.”
As to the obscurity of his words, Eilish told an interviewer, “People are always like, you know, ‘It’s so dark. Like, good music. I’m like, ‘Well, I never feel happy, so why would I write about things that I don’t know?’ I feel dark things.
Towards the end of the film, she reveals how dark things have gotten for her. “To be honest with you, I didn’t think I could reach that age,” says Eilish, who began battling depression after a serious hip injury forced her to stop dancing at age 13. “I was 14 years old. 15. I had razors hidden in places, and I had bandages hidden in the small corner of my room. And I still had bandages on my wrists. I literally locked myself in the bathroom and got bleeding because I thought I deserved it.
“The World’s A Little A Little Cloudy” also reveals Eilish’s relationship with older actor Brandon “Q” Adams, which ended in 2019.
But her heart still belongs to Bieber.
The doc ends up receiving a congratulatory FaceTime from her “first love” after her big Grammy sweep in 2020.
“I can’t believe it – it’s crazy,” she chuckled, before ending the call with “I love you”.
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