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As a foreigner, it is easy to badume that all the couples around us are perfectly happy. I mean, how could not they be with all those "candid" Instagram posts that laugh hysterically in the loving arms of each other? !!? But, of course, the reality is that many couples are not as happy as they seem. In fact, many people stay in relationships where they are not happy. But why? Why do people stay in bad relationships?
According to a new study published in the next issue of November 2018 of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, one of the main reasons why people have relationships that they do not necessarily care about is that they are worried about their partners. In other words, if you are unhappy but think that your partner wants or needs you to stay, you are more likely to lose it and stay.
"The more dependent people thought that their partner was related to the relationship, the less likely they were to break up," Science Science Sam told Samantha Joel, badistant professor at the University of Western Ontario, Canada. .
This is not the first study that tries to understand why people stay in unhappy relationships. Previously, research had revealed that people remained for a multitude of reasons: time spent in the relationship, emotional and financial resources invested and fear of being alone.
In the case of this study, what is unique is that it found that people's reasoning about staying in unhappy relationships was not always selfish. I mean, let's face it, if you stay because you are afraid of being single again, you are not doing it exactly for the benefit of your partner. On the other hand, if your only reason for staying is not to leave your partner helpless and alone, you do it for more than a month. disinterested reason.
"When people perceived that the partner was very attached to the relationship, they were less likely to break up," Joel told Science Daily. "This is true even for people who were not really involved in the relationship or were personally dissatisfied with it – generally, we do not want to hurt our partners and we care what they want."
That being said, Joel also told Science Daily that they could not really know how much the interviewees in their study were right to say what their partners felt. "One thing we do not know is how accurate people's perceptions are," Joel said. "It may be that the person overestimates the commitment of the other partner and the hardship of breaking up." In other words, you and your partner could both be stuck in an unhappy relationship because you both secretly (and wrongly) believe that the other is really happy.
Although staying in an unhappy relationship is probably not the best decision nine out of ten, Joel told Science Daily that if the relationship ended up improving, it could sometimes be a wise choice.
Needless to say, if things do not If you improve, you will do yourself no favors. And do not forget that you do not necessarily do favors to your partner by having him stay with someone who does not do it. really want to be with them. Joel asked the important question to Science Daily: "Who wants a partner who does not really want to be in the relationship?"
The answer to his question, for the most part, is nobody. Do you and your partner a favor and come out of a relationship that does not satisfy you completely.
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