Carolyn Hax: The afternoon nap is American ingenuity at its best

Hello Carolyn: I work from home to a career that I built myself. I am also the parent of two young children.

And I have the paralyzing feeling that I am a lazy idiot.

This is despite the fact that I am from all points of view (external) a hardworking and productive person. I know that my fears of being lazy are exaggerated. I do my job. My clients are happy with me. I am a good parent. I respect my obligations.

Sometimes I also take a nap or read a book while my children are in school, instead of doing paid work. For a moment, I tried to own it. When my inner critic called me lazy for procrastinating or taking a bath in the middle of the day, I replied, "Okay, so I'm lazy, so what?" It was useful at first, but it loses its effectiveness.

Other than talking to a therapist about it – what I'm working on, but it's very hard to find someone I'm clicking with and it's not an urgent problem – do you have any suggestions on how to stop seeing my schedule as a moral failure?

– struggling with feelings of laziness

Struggling with feelings of laziness: I love my country, I love my fellow citizens, I like being able to do a good job, but there are times when I want to sink my crop into the throat.

you have won the lottery. You swim at noon in the tears of your predecessors, who fought and marched to offer their children a world of choice, agency, satisfying paid work, time to raise their children. their children who do not come at the cost of time for themselves.

I mean, damn.

You have had he.

And maybe you have a personal internal dysfunction that prevents you from appreciating what you have, and you may be right to say that a good therapist is the best way to remedy this part of your so-called dysfunction – but I can not be alone Thinking that you blame yourself for this doubt of yourself is only one symptom of cultural disease, the fetish of productivity, declaring you unworthy just because you take a few moments to breathe.

Maybe everything you need to counter this outside pressure at work may be needed. If so, then you have mine. But if happiness was only a slap, your strategy of owning it would probably have worked as well. It is therefore possible that you have to work to retrain to honor the rest as a virtue.

Start by understanding productivity. Yours is a knowledge economy job, yes? So the research suggests that you only have six productive hours a day. (Starting in 2012 and with some broken links, but still a compelling aggregation: bit.ly/LessAsMore.)

And, resting at regular intervals improves your performance at all times. More creativity, better work; more patience, better parenting. The fact that you go from work to raising children as your main activity, without having to deprive yourself of your time so that the other one is accomplished, probably makes you even better. Everyone prevents you from getting tired or bored by too much good stuff.

Then use your schedule as a moral ally. Block deliberately the necessary X hours of work, after which you will have the right to play.

Disclosure: It is a little tiring to advise this because flexibility is a gift. This allows you to work more when you feel more productive and makes you more efficient. But if a more rigid schedule can help you forgive your own success, try it. (And give it up quickly if it does not help you.)

Then find a new way to apply your qualified and rested personality to the common good. Keep naps, books and bubble baths, of course – you're an inspiration and I'm not facetious – at your usual pace except one day a week. With this exception, dedicate your time to a cause that is important to you. Work in a food bank, phone lawmakers, help the neglected, raise money, put your skills to good use (or grow a new one). Let the world improve for your well-managed workload and it will be difficult to continue to feel as guilty as you do.

Next: Start conversations about work, life, balance If you have a platform, use it to invite discussion and new ideas. Shame hates sunlight.

Finally, sigh, do not delay treatment. Even if you may be influenced by external pressures at work, there is still a source of sadness that you must address – and you may also have a depression or anxiety problem that uses the "Laziness" as his hook. Take action now to set up home conversations, to find a good fit. In any case, it usually takes a while to start treatment. You can always cancel if you feel better during these days or weeks, but please do not do it; "Paralyzing" anything is a body call for help.

Write to Carolyn Hax at [email protected]. Receive its topic in your inbox each morning at the address wapo.st/haxpost.