Carolyn Hax: The decision on an overnight trip is accompanied by extra baggage

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn, My boyfriend and I are both 19 and we will be celebrating our fifth birthday this summer. We frequented long distance all the time. To celebrate this stage, we leave for one night.

My parents strongly disapprove of that. I told them about the trip immediately after booking and I was honest throughout the process, but it seems to go beyond expectations. They have always been very protective of me and my sisters, but I do not know why it is so difficult, because I travel alone abroad and my boyfriend stayed with me for a week. end at the university.

I think my boyfriend and I have proven that we have a healthy and mature relationship, but my parents still do not like me going out with someone on principle.

Recently, my mother said that if we went on a trip, we would jeopardize my boyfriend's relationship with her and my father for the long term. All the adults I trust except my parents (rabbi, therapist) said we could do this trip, and I do not like my mother threatening my boyfriend but at the same time I love my parents and I do not do it. I do not want to make things difficult – life is hard. Should I go on this trip or keep the peace?

– Travel problem

(Nick Galifianakis / for the Washington Post)

Problem with the trip: I think you have a hard choice there.

And I think 19 years old is a good age to make a tough decision, an adult, a between two things that everyone is going to cost you something you appreciate. The only thing you can do is determine your values ​​and priorities, support your decision on them and accept the consequences.

Whatever you decide, it's usually a good policy not to give in to emotional threats.

Dear Carolyn, My husband and I do the tasks we like or at least we do not really hate, and the workload seems pretty well divided. However, I noticed that many of these tasks seemed to fit into traditional gender roles.

Our 3 year old already seems to think that dads do not cook and that moms do not drive. We do not need to blow up our entire system, is not it? Do we teach obsolete ideas?

– Gender role

Gender role: No and no It works. And that's all you need to say, "That's what happened in our family, but all families are different.

Hello Carolyn: I have a good problem to have, but I still struggle with it. After a divorce and more than ten years of being single, I suddenly began to see an old friend, and it is amazing. I do not doubt that our relationship is real and very healthy. It is rather the idea that something happened so unexpected, so I vary between disbelief, shock and happiness. Without complaining, my life has not been very easy and I guess I feel I have to work hard for the good things in my life. How to overcome the feeling of not deserving this happiness?

– State of disbelief

State of disbelief: If you do not do it, then who does it? Real question, no rhetoric.

Congratulations to you two.

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