Congratulations to Phoebe Bridgers, the first person to break a guitar



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Obviously, given the boomer male fury that has since erupted, this is the first time this has happened!

Earlier this week, musician Phoebe Bridgers – best known for being the breaking point that day, I couldn’t figure out how to do my taxes and was crying deep in my cereal while listening to ‘Kyoto’ – broke new ground during her Saturday Night Live performance by being the first person in history to break a guitar.

Now I know what you are thinking: there aren’t many musicians throughout rock history broken the guitars? Isn’t this, in fact, one of the founding myths in rockstar history?

Hasn’t Kurt Cobain done this more than once? Didn’t Jimi Hendrix swing his ax like a, uh, ax, and then on another occasion set it on fire? Isn’t that the crash of a guitar pictured on the cover of The Clash’s London call? Hasn’t The Who’s Pete Townsend managed to destroy beautiful instruments like it’s a full-time career and make music just a hobby?

Hell, didn’t Bridgers collaborator Conor Oberst of the Bright Eyes group erase what he later called a “very expensive” guitar while one of its members, swept away by the mood of the moment, stomped a trumpet, appearing on Craig Ferguson. The late show? Ain’t obliteration cool, and aren’t rockstars the definition of cool?

Well, I thought so too. But then the story of Phoebe Bridgers breaking her guitar stuck in the news cycle for three whole days at a time when there is more to say than the smashing of a guitar, which leads me to believe that every other example of a smashed guitar must have been a Mandela effect style hallucination.

How else to explain the fury? An insufferable liberal Twitter guy named Brooklyn Dad, presumably on the lookout for a new flu after Donald Trump was kicked off Twitter, called him “extra.” David Crosby called it “pathetic,” then decided that action was what you turned to when you “cannot write.”

Waves of boomer dads have emerged from the garden sheds they have been locked into since the late ’90s, stuck in a spooky, overwhelming world of change that no longer has to cater to their tastes, in order to decry the acting like people who watched a History Channel documentary deciding that their perspective is urgent on the intricacies of the situation in Yemen.

So it is clear that the fact that a musician breaking his guitar asks for something other than the thought “this is a person breaking a guitar” means that this is the first time this has happened in history.

Oh, I mean, it’s either that or the fact that American culture is deeply sexist and that there is a generation of people who will accept whatever male role models can do but question that same precise behavior. when adopted by women, or any gender or gender identity they don’t recognize, because they’re not infatuated with the behavior of their heroes, they’re in love with their gender.

One or the other!



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