Dear Abby, a man is stunned by the late grief caused by the loss of his wife


CHER ABBY: My wife died recently. We were very happy. We had six beautiful children and were married for 58 wonderful years.

It has been a month since her funeral took place and I was able to cope with her loss. But suddenly, a few days ago, I experienced a huge wave of grief and I thought I was going crazy to not be able to see her again. I started to be afraid of having to be hospitalized, maybe in a psychiatric ward and receive medication. But my son has said that this condition (anything that "hits you" in a late reaction) has been documented in the majority of cases. Is it true? – GRIEF TEXAN

CHER GRIEVING TEXAN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I am sure you feel it deeply.

Everyone does not complain the same way. Some feel numb and do not understand why they feel nothing after the death of a loved one. Others feel the loss immediately and can not sleep, eat or stop crying.

Your son is absolutely right. What has happened is not unusual. However, if the feeling of loss of control persists, talk to your doctor.

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CHER ABBY: One of our in-laws recently confessed that it was a long-term affair. The details are widely known. The closest family members, and especially the adult children of the couple, are shocked, devastated and angry. Nobody even wants to talk to the cheater.

The injured spouse wants to keep the marriage together. It is hard to imagine that time will heal these wounds. How can my wife and I support the spouse and the devastated children? Should we try to restore links with the cheater? If so, are we just talking about the weather or do we recognize the elephant in the room? – Try to do what is right

DEAR TEST: If you really want to help the spouse and adult children, tell them that you are by their side if they want to talk. If you are socializing with the husband and wife as a couple, continue to behave as you always do with them and discuss the topics you have always seen. Couples can more easily overcome the turbulence of their marriage without unsolicited interference.

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CHER ABBY: I paid bills and saw that my husband had sent flowers to his mother for Mother's Day. It piqued me because I did not receive anything from him. ZIP *: ENGLISH. In the past, he has declared that I am not his mother, suggesting that there was no reason to celebrate the mother of his child who gave birth to his child on the occasion of Mother's Day. in 10 years. Should I be bored? – UNSURE IN OREGON

Dear uncertain: Most husbands have more brains than the cheap and insensitive man you have married. I am tempted to suggest that you "forget" him on Father's Day and when he asks why, tell him it's not your father. You are a mother because he helped you become one and he should not forget it.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby to or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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