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DEAR ABBY: My 49 year old husband had an affair two years ago with a woman younger than our daughter. The case is over now, but I no longer trust him.
The “other woman” is a musician who performs with a group of adults whom he directs. He refuses to tell her about stopping her involvement in the band and actually includes her on a tour that many of our friends and I are involved in. I find it demeaning and disrespectful, but he doesn’t think there is a problem. I am appalled, but I have not told my friends or family about the matter because I do not want my children or grandchildren to be hurt. What should I do? – SOUTH MISCONDUCT
DEAR: If the case is really over, the young woman is an integral part of the group and you will accompany your husband on this tour, do nothing. (Hope it’s a big bus!) If, however, the case isn’t a thing of the past, make an appointment with a lawyer to discuss your options and speak with your adult children. They should be warned that there may be thunderstorm clouds on the horizon.
DEAR ABBY: I recently contacted a man I dated 32 years ago when I was 17. He told me he was widowed 13 years ago after a 13 year marriage. Since then, he hasn’t dated anyone, hasn’t spoken to anyone, or had any kind of human intimacy. He is 58 years old. This is not normal and it looks like no one in his family has helped him through this, so he is stuck.
We’ve been talking for seven months. We live 6.30am apart. It seems that rather than “rocking the boat” he let others rule his life. Her children are all in their twenties. He tells me he wants to visit and vice versa, to see where things are going. We both say marriage is not on the table. I can’t even imagine it. His daughters called me his girlfriend when he got me on the phone and they’re in the background. Please advise. – NO PLAN SET YET
DEAR NO DEFINED PLANS: You said your old beau has been living like a monk for 13 years. Usually, I would advise you to invite him for a visit. However, in this age of coronavirus, you need to find out if he has been vaccinated against COVID before you do so. Discuss it with him in one of your conversations and see what he thinks about it.
DEAR ABBY: After 18 years of happy marriage, my husband came to see me the other day and asked me to order “leggings”, or what I call “yoga pants”. He said he saw them on TikTok. Notice, we’re both 40 years old. He said they are sexy and he would like to see me in some. I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m 5’7 ″, weigh around 115 and have no booty. Should I order the pants or be offended? – NO LOOT IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR NO BOOTY: Order the pants! If he would like to see you in them, what have you got to lose? Even if you feel embarrassed about your posterior, never forget that it is the booty that he married. Please let yourself be reassured. (If you’re not sure, consider wearing a tunic with them.)
PS You may find them very comfortable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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