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DEAR ABBY: My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. We’ve been living together almost from day one. This is the second major relationship for both of us. (He is divorced). He plans to return home to visit his family and take care of some business. I will not go with him on this trip. When he returns, his mother will come with him.
The problem is, there is no specific return date for her. She’s gone beyond her hospitality in the past (before we got together) and turned a two week stay into seven months.
I am a very lonely person. I like to be regularly with my boyfriend and no one else. I don’t mind her coming to visit me, but I am extremely anxious because she has not set a date to return home. I made it clear to my boyfriend that I didn’t want her to stay longer than two weeks, which suits her fine, so I’m not the wicked witch here. I just don’t know how to gently bring it up with her and make her understand that we would like her visit to be brief.
I admit that I am not the most tactful person when it comes to sensitive matters. I tend to be blunt and have been described as “honest to the point” in the past. How to approach this subject without hurting anyone? I want to be able to spend time with her while she’s here, not worry about when she leaves. – ANGST-RIDDEN IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR ANGST-RIDDEN: Since you tend to be candid, you shouldn’t be the person to discuss it with your boyfriend’s mom. It would be more appropriate for her son to have “the conversation” with her so that you all know what the parameters will be and the message is delivered tactfully.
DEAR ABBY: My 42 year old husband passed away two years ago. His children and I get along well, but during his lifetime they never recognized our anniversary. Now that their dad is gone, they send me birthday cards every year on the date. I find it annoying that they never thought of wishing us “Happy Birthday” during their lifetime, which he would have loved. I suspect they’re doing this just to try and stay on my good side and maybe stay in my will. How can I politely tell them to stop, that their cards only remind me that my sweetheart is gone and that they never recognized our marriage when it would have meant something? – Mother-in-law in distress
DEAR RELAXATION: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. After 42 years, the adaptation must be very painful. Because you want to be polite – and maybe maintain a cordial (even loving) relationship with her children, tell her that you would rather they didn’t send birthday cards “because they’re a painful reminder. of his loss at a sensitive time “. RESIST the urge to point out that they did not recognize the opportunity during their father’s lifetime.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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