Dear Abby, Mom emotionally abandons her son after he tells her he's gay and he stays away 12 years later

DEAR ABBY: I love my mother, but our relationship has been delicate since I contacted her at the age of 13. After I told her that I was gay, she became more and more distant. She went into grandmother mode for my sister and her sons and, in my eyes, neglected me.

She was rarely at home and when she was there, we quarreled about everything. It got so bad that I left and moved in with my aunt, who was like a mother to me. My sister told me that she thought Mom was refusing, because every time my sister would like to talk about it, Mom would go out of her way.

Mom and I have never talked about it. I remember the day I went out. When I told Mom, she said that she already knew. Then she added, "It's only a phase."

I am sad to note that even after 12 years, she still has not accepted that this is what I am and what I am always. It annoys me that she does not know me everything. Should I talk to him like the adults we are? – SAME SOUND AS ALWAYS

DEAR SAME SON: Only you can make the decision to have this important conversation with your mother. Before you start, I advise you to contact an organization called PFLAG. PFLAG helps to build bridges of understanding between families and their LGBTQ members. You can find it by going online at If you are worried that your mother's position will force you to end your relationship with her, be prepared in advance by making sure you have a supportive support system around you.

DEAR ABBY: I am the caregiver of my 88 year old mother and 89 year old dad. He has his challenges. It would be helpful for doctors to provide instructions, diagnoses, and written instructions rather than rely on me to follow them. I take notes, but my parents hear what they want to hear. Without a doctor's note, they tend to dismiss my notes as "it's not what he / she said". I am sure I am not the only caregiver with this problem.

Recently, Mom's gynecologist advised her to see an urologist. It took me over a month to convince her that it was what he had said. We are now looking at a urinary tract infection, which is not a good thing for an older woman.

My parents are not at the moment when I can just kidnap them. I realize that Medicare does not pay doctors enough money for their time, but it would certainly help us keep our seniors healthy. – NOTEBOOK IN GEORGIA

Dear readers of note: Can I offer a suggestion that could prove useful? When you bring your parents to the doctor, write down what you are told on your mobile phone (in notes / memos). In this way, you will be able to replay word for word the doctors' statements concerning diagnoses, instructions, etc. to your parents, if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter and her husband eat at a restaurant, he insists that they order the same thing. If he thinks his plate looks better, he changes it. That bothers me. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you think about this? – BAFFLED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BAFFLED: I think your son – in – law has no regard for your daughter 's feelings, and that greedy and inconsiderate people about food are usually the same for other things. (He could also control and / or have an OCD.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby to or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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