Dear Abby: The battle of a couple's butter – it cuts off the end, she's scratching the top


CHER ABBY: I feel insignificant about it, but my wife has a habit that I can not stand. We keep a piece of butter in a butter dish and replace it when it is exhausted. However, when my wife uses it, instead of cutting thin slices, she scrapes her knife all over the top of the butter cube, pruning it gradually. Not only do I find this unsightly, but I also think it's unhealthy.

Needless to say, when I told her about it, she strongly disapproved. I am reluctant to mention it again, as it is settled, in his mind.

I tried to use a different butter stick, which I keep in the fridge and run every time I want to use it, but she blames me, saying we should not use two sticks at the same time time.

I suppose there is an advantage: I use less butter, which my doctor approves. What do you think of this habit? – BUTTER WARS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BUTTER WARS: It seems that there is a power struggle between your wife and you. Because you have told her more than once that you find what she does unappetizing, she should respect your wishes. However, if she continues, she should look elsewhere when using your own stick of butter.

CHER ABBY: At 18, I married a person I loved a lot at the time. It's sort of happened under the pulse of the moment. Not even six months after the wedding began, he misled me.

I am now 20 years old, divorced and finally ready to move on. But how can I go out with my age being divorced? I do not know how to talk about it. I have friends who do not even know that I was married. How should I handle it? – DIVORCEED IN ILLINOIS

CHER DIVORCEE: Unless you plan to meet men on a dating site that requires you to disclose this information in your profile, I see no reason why you should mention it. If you are asked, however, be honest about your status. All you have to say is that you married very briefly at the age of 18 and that it did not work because you were both too young. This is the truth, and there is no shame in that.

CHER ABBY: I am a 39 year old woman and I want to know more about my ancestors so I can tell stories about them to my children. The problem is that my boyfriend does not like this idea, and every time I say or do something, he criticizes me.

He is also very controlling and manipulative. He feels that it is his way or the highway. That's why I want to go out – for the sake of my life and the kids. I do not have money and nowhere to go. What should I do? – PLEURANT IN WESTERN WASHINGTON

CHER CRYING: I agree that the situation you describe is not healthy for you or for the children. If you have no family to help, you will have to work on independence in small steps.

Contact the National Helpline for Domestic Violence ( or 800-799-7233) for suggestions on how to opt out of your abuser (oops, I meant "boyfriend") without None of you are hurt. Then find a job so you do not get penniless and start saving money.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Cher Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better interlocutor and a more sociable person, order "How to be popular". Send your name and mailing address, along with a check or money order of $ 8 (in US Dollars), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Book, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)

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