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CHER ABBY: My fiance, "Bradley," is the man of my dreams. We have been together for three years, live together and have a dog. Brad is in his early thirties and I'm 30 years old this year.
We opted for a long commitment to take advantage of the planning process. Our wedding is scheduled for next year. We both work hard and live comfortably. But we struggle from time to time to make ends meet, especially during the holidays, although we can not solve anything by reducing a little.
The problem: I am ready for a child. He wants to wait until we are married for at least two years. He thinks it would require a lot of financial and lifestyle sacrifices that he does not want to do at the moment.
I understand where he came from because I felt the same for a moment. But lately, I have this overwhelming feeling of being ready and eager to become a mother. No matter what I do to remove this instinct, I have more and more heartbroken, knowing that this reality is so far away.
How should I deal with this? I become more and more depressed. Should I confront my fiance? Maybe couples advise? Brad is always ready to listen, but I do not think he understands what it does. – FUTURE MOMMY AT RHODE ISLAND
DEAR FUTURE MOM: Because you and your fiance are not on the same wavelength regarding this problem, couples counseling could be helpful. However, as you become more and more frustrated and depressed, also discuss these feelings with your doctor. If you're worried about your biological clock, women today have options that have not been available for years and you and Brad may want to explore them.
CHER ABBY: I am a 69 year old divorced woman, married for 48 years. The last 25 years have been very lonely. There was no intimacy, hugs or kisses, and we slept in separate rooms. After my retirement, I learned that my husband was cheating on me because God knows how long, maybe 20 years old.
After our divorce, I was finally persuaded to meet online, which was quite an adventure, both positive and negative! I am currently happy in an exclusive one – year relationship, but as I have been out of the dating world for almost half a century, I am baffled by the new rules.
My boyfriend sometimes expects me to share the cost of what we do, be it a restaurant, movies, golf, plane tickets, and so on. My mom has learned that the gentleman is still paying, so please give me some updated advice on the current etiquette, if you would be so kind. – CURRENT TEXAS
DEAR CURRENT: What your mother learned was true at the time. However, as women are now in the world of work, have their own income and are on an equal footing with men, they share some or all of these expenses. It depends a lot on the financial disparity between the two. This is an important topic that you should discuss with your gentleman friend to see if you can agree on a comfortable arrangement for both of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two brochures: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes". Send your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order of $ 16 (in US dollars), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.)
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