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CHER ABBY: I am going through a bad divorce. My sons, aged 4, 11 and 12, live with my husband at 1,000 miles. They will be with me for the summer holidays. It will be the longest stay they will have with me, and I will not lie, I am excited and nervous at the same time.
My problem is that my kids do not know that I've seen someone and we live together. How should I talk to them? They did not meet him during the holidays when we were together. My new handsome, "Sean," thought it would be a bad idea, and I followed his advice.
I asked Sean how he felt about it and he told me that he likes me a lot, but he is afraid of my boys. I'm afraid of my children's reaction once I introduced them. I'm afraid they want to go back to their father's house. My ex-future husband said that he had told them that I had left them for a new handsome, which is not true. How can I introduce them slowly and what can I anticipate for a backlash with the children? – TREAT SLIGHTLY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR WORK: Because you live together with Sean, it's a bit late to introduce Sean "slowly". Remember to call your older boys and tell them that you will want them to meet "a special person who has made Mom very happy" and that you are delighted to do so. to be with you.
Suggest to Sean that, if he is not used to having relationships with children, he should make an appointment with a psychologist who can offer suggestions on what to do. He should also enroll in parenting classes if time permits.
Once your boys arrive, plan a lot with them. Because of what your near-ex has told them, it's important that they know that they are most important to you, and you have NOT left them to anyone.
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CHER ABBY: I am a 66 year old married man with two grown children. I have been teaching in high school for 30 years.
A few years ago, a young English teacher, "Marci", was teaching a class in my room and we became friends. Since then, we go out on Friday after school to drink a few beers. We just enjoy the company of each other, but my wife thinks it is weird.
We have been married for 34 years and most of them have been happy. It does not make sense to me that she thinks I should not hang out with my former colleague. I started not telling him that Marci will be at the brewery, while she will be. I have just retired and I do not have many friends other than those with whom I have worked for all these years. Am I strange or is my wife? – CONFUSED IN OHIO
DEAR CONFLICT: You're not weird; you are dishonest. Your wife is not weird either. She feels threatened because you spend time with a younger woman.
Stop lying and start being honest again. Explain to your wife what you have done for me: you do not have many friends other than those with whom you have worked during all those years and you want to nurture those relationships – at least until you get to work. you can find new friends. . If you invite him with you, this could allay his fears.
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