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Demi Moore shows up at the door of my rental house in Wales at the end of July with gifts. She unloads them herself from the trunk of a black sedan and calls goodbye to a driver she has known for two hours, as if it had been two years. ("See you soon, Bryan!") There are cookies. Gummies. Wild flowers. An indoor spray that claims to purify more than the smell of a space. There is a cashmere shawl (the one in which I now write) from Debonnaire to London, the same classy and extravagant guru where she bought the patterned bag dress that she wears with Stan's scuffs. Smith, tiny shiny gold bursts in his earlobes and pretty fingers.
The minute she puts her stuff in the little pink room upstairs ("I love this girl a little!" She said, falling down on the bed), the hallways begin to smell smell of another world, like a spa or the neck of a very cool girl at a dinner in town in the late 90's. The type of scent that can not be bought – it has to simply escape from your pores as a result of a refined aesthetic and your own life.
Mariano Vivanco
And she has both. In his memory at about the right moment, On the upside, Half, 56, describes his unlikely journey from nothing to old in Hollywood to everything you've ever dreamed of. But what you get from this book and you can not get anywhere else is not a rags-to-riches story, but rather an honest and striking way to describe its slow drift toward a different type of emotional poverty, the kind that only has decades. Tabloid harassment and uncontrolled trauma can alchemy. She recounts, with the precision of a butcher's knife, her divorces, her dependence and her eventual isolation, but she draws from there her most powerful character to date: a woman of wisdom fully trained, who does not care. Well, she gives some fuck. It's just that now they are the right guy.
Let's start as Half: a nomadic childhood that crisscrossed the United States, where she and her younger brother lived according to the whims of their charming peripatetic parents, the teens themselves when they met and fell into a story of d & # 39; endless love that would be described as toxic in the language of our time. This is not a childhood story of Christmas and Christmas trees. Think Dickens seen by Diane Arbus, a larger-than-life mania bumping into the poverty line. Half remembers that she began taking steps to revive her mother, who had overdosed in order to externalize the internal damage caused by her relationship: "I also remember what I used my fingers, the fingers of a child, to dig the pills that my mother has prepared. had tried to swallow her mouth while my dad kept her open and told me what to do. Something very deep in me then rocked, and he never moved back. My childhood was over.
Mariano Vivanco
Her childhood may be over, but living according to her parents' gospel was not her and she continued to be a pawn in their dynamic even after she'd been clearly established that his father, Danny Guynes, was not in fact his biological son. ancestor.
It is now easy to congratulate Demi for the courage of his confession, but thinking back Vanity Fair cover story (August 1991, titled "The Great Moment of Demi", this notorious image of her moon-shaped baby face overlying a platinum body, ideal, shiny and full), you will find that she's only s & # 39; It is never consistent with the conventions of the mystery of Hollywood: It told us all along. Throughout Nancy Collins' article, she exposes her reality as being the product of a war in the workroom in which children were killed. Buried between sneaky comments of the type "where exactly is Demi Moore in Hollywood being the subject of debate" and "being Mrs. Bruce Willis could not hurt a girl in Hollywood" (if that's the case). is her big moment, could you be a little softer, Nancy ?!), Demi clearly states: "There is a man who would be considered as my biological father with whom I do not really have a relationship."
Mariano Vivanco
Lest we have idealistic memories of an era prior to social media, where a woman could become a movie star without forgery, this profile shows the beauty and Ambition have never made customers happy. "I'm sure a lot of people think I'm a bitch," she said, curling up with her firstborn, Rumer, in her caravan (she refused, despite strong gravitational forces, to let her kids raise themselves, and it was the momentum that motivated her break at the peak of her box office power to become a full-time mother in Hailey, Idaho. " I'm not afraid to say what I think. "
When I ask her about the skeptical and disdainful tone of a piece intended to announce her arrival, she says, "Luckily people remember the photo, they do not remember the article."
The woman I see in front of me today in Ystradowen (Vale of Glamorgan, Wales) is relaxed, not defensive, but defenseless as well. ("I have no interest in being a victim" is a phrase she repeats and remixes throughout our week together.) She is less ruthless than stamina, presence and peace. At night, she turns into sweats and thick-rimmed black glasses, her look that she adopts as a uniform when she is at home with her three daughters and her eight disparate dogs (a few missing legs, pieces of ears, bats blind but worshiping the gills). It is obvious that this woman did the job by watching her extract the cherries from an oatmeal cookie.
.
Not the job of playing in Indecent Proposal and Ghost and G.I. Jeanne and every film that captured your teenage imagination (although she did, and she also co-produced the Austin Powers Movies). This is not the startup work of Thorn, an organization that uses technology to prevent child sexual abuse online (it has also done so). The work I'm talking about is deeply rooted in its own story and psyche to make sense of a past that is too often reduced to headlines. ("Ashton Kutcher did not eat for a week after Demi Moore's divorce!" Poor thing.)
"Everything that happens in our individual lives informs us. Move, model, present opportunities for the exact purpose of bringing us where we are in the present time. Whatever it is. She twists her epic ponytail, like your favorite art teacher or Ariana Grande. "All the projection of who they think I am [were] the very things that pushed me out of two elements: my comfort zone and my control. [They were] trying to make me let go and really be what I am. And I do not think I knew how to do that. "
In a particularly nostalgic passage of the book (she is not too nostalgic, it is rather a poetic that did), she describes the observation of a beautiful neighbor in West Hollywood apartments where her mother dragged her in hopes of escaping alcoholism from her father. Nastassja Kinski was this young woman so confident, present and ambitious that she would spend the afternoon running in front of Nastassja's auditions. Half was not attracted to Shakespeare or the French New Wave. Just an older teenager who was eager to go there. "She had that feeling of herself that I wanted so much. Even though I did not know what it was. For me, it represented a feeling of freedom that I could not even imagine. It was a sense of belonging. [And I felt] if I could go, it would mean that it's good that I'm here … that it's good that I was born.
But when you are raised by people who define themselves by each other, it is difficult to imagine a life where you will run your own kingdom. In the book, Demi describes herself at the age of 16 by seeing her first husband, Freddy Moore, on stage with her group. "Looking at Freddy, I was blown away: if I could be with someone so captivating, then maybe I would be so captivating."
When she married Bruce Willis, we made sure to remind her that she could do everything she wanted, push as much as she dared, and that she would always somehow Die hardThe woman (The Vanity Fair profile devoted much of his word count to an interview with Bruce in which he evaded questions about his wife, because a man's fraud is always more interesting than a woman's honesty.) Then, the wife of a 16 year old man is his younger brother. (This show of the 70s woman.) Then no one's wife.
Half likes dolls – dolls and toys. She collects them piece by piece, a hobby that she describes as an obsession following her divorce from Willis. "I like figurative art," she says. "And when I look at the small faces of what I have, whether they are like little animals or a little something or others. I always have little faces looking at me. If you go up and look at my carry-on, I have a little bear and a little Dil Pickles, you know, of The rugrats? "
Wait wait. Is the star of Striptease just told me that she travels with a tiny little teddy The rugrats doll? She takes me to the floor and unveils it in her suitcase, cleaning her little gnarled head before lifting it for me to examine. "I also usually have a monkey in my purse. It started with the one I call purse. Small faces everywhere. What a metaphor for our looks.
But no, she told me, breaking with my determined but clumsy metaphor. Doll faces are fun faces, "reminding you not to take your life too seriously and remind yourself of the importance of the game."
.
"The other faces are those of people trying to take you," she said with a nod. They were there when his second marriage ended. They tracked down his third. But she managed to hide part of her life from prying eyes, including late miscarriage at about the same time she was accused of being an elderly grandmother's wife at age 42 (40 freaking 2 ). She hid her personal reaction to public humiliation by simply saying, "As a woman, mother and wife, there are certain values and wishes that I consider sacred, and it is in this spirit that I chose life."
And she managed to keep her children sacred. When she talks about Rumer, Scout and Tallulah (she had unusual names of celebrities before Kardashian sparkles), she softens. Become another substance; plus this granite monument to deviated pain. "My daughters have offered me the opportunity to start changing the generational model. To be able to break cycles … "Motherhood, she said, was her only absolute goal and the only destiny where she could be sure of being realized, which included" my own mother ".
We have early call times. Tomorrow, his first day of shooting in Cardiff runs a television series based on Aldous Huxley. Brave New World, in which she plays a woman banished from a society where people control their emotions with a drug called soma. Now she sells her body because she never learned to experience it.
She says that she has to study her lines, that we should go to bed. But then she dresses me, knots a vintage Yves Saint Laurent scarf and explains where I can find the cocktail dress I want. (Stella McCartney, but will everything be better than the custom dress that Stella gave her for the wedding of Princess Eugenie, which drove Instagram users crazy, calling her " mother "in the right way?") She now explains how not to panic for a future visit. Dated. ("It's just a chance to connect!") Now she has her character's teeth to test them for tomorrow, and how is she still so beautiful with these jagged teeth?
She feels my head. She says I feel hot. She can not help but mommer despite all the efforts she makes, and when I send a text to Tallulah describing that her mother feels her head in this pink lace room, she simply says, "Security."
In On the upside, Half ask a very simple question and without easy answer: how to find security if the ground moves constantly under you, if the goal posts change constantly? "The kind of love that I grew up with scared me and made me feel." But she found it exactly as she had always been: "To learn that I am right with me was a wonderful gift that I could make myself."
Mariano Vivanco
The other gift is sobriety, something she did in her twenties, lost in her forties, and found again when she was about fifty. "In retrospect, what I understood was that when I opened the door [again]she was simply giving up my power. She pauses, the eventual title already forming between her eyebrows, and speaks slowly, turning every word in her palm. "I guess I would think so: it was very important for me to have a natural birth because I did not want to miss a moment. And with that I felt pain. If I'm sober, it's because I do not want to miss a moment of life, this texture, even if it means being in … "She inspires, then smiles. "A little pain."
I'm in bed now, a new shawl. (Safety.) She paces in front of my door, comes and goes to brush her teeth, then catches her beloved Red Bull in the kitchen. (She no longer apologizes for what she likes.) The next morning, I take a picture of her in that cursed pink room, among her dolls Gucci and Dil Pickles and the pages of her script scattered on the bed. "What kind of face do you want?" She asks before settling into a half-smile. "No matter, I'm just going to do it."
The memories of Demi Moore, On the upside, in the departments of September 24th. His latest film, Business animalswill be published on September 20th.
This article was published in the October 2019 issue of Harper's Bazaar, available on newsstands on September 24th.
Hair: Gregory Russell for Christophe Robin; Makeup: Jo Strettell for IT Cosmetics; Manicure: Emi Kudo for Chanel Le Vernis; Production: Joey Battaglia for AIR. Productions; Prop Style: Steven Valdez. Special thanks to the Getty Villa, Pacific Palisades.
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