‘Diana the Musical’ is the legendary flop Broadway deserves

Broadway wouldn’t really be back if it weren’t for a show that was so ridiculous that we are bewildered by its very existence.

Disgusted. Hypnotized. Insulted. Intoxicated. Nose up. Wide eyes. Stop! Keep on going …

A proud piece of rubbish that has been somehow grown and altered for years with the backing of self-centered producers, who, like Harold Hill rapping in River City Square, convinced salivating investors to fork out millions of dollars to slap a faulty disco ball on stage and then have the nerve to beg for the Tony Awards .

Well, here it is, boys! The flop of the year is “Diana the Musical,” which just premiered on Netflix ahead of its official opening night on November 17th.

To quote “Evita”, from which this Princess Di-bacle generously borrows: “Oh what a circus! Oh what a spectacle! ”

But, my fellow queens of the show, this column is not meant to be an angry and patronizing Di-atribe about why “Diana” is an abomination and what rules good art should follow. I don’t care what Bertolt Brecht would have thought, or what the New Yorker thinks. During this production recorded on one of the greatest collective griefs in the world of the last half-century, I laughed harder than ever in my life.

And I cried, not because of Princess Diana’s death, no, but because of the words of David Bryan and Joe DiPietro.

Here are some modern classics from the book “Diana”.

Cradling baby William, Charles (Roe Hartrampf, excellent, really) hums, “Diana, I’m holding our son. So let me tell you, very well done!

At the start of the second act, Diana’s extramarital side saddle, James Hewitt – with a wig so red it would stop circulation – steps shirtless, through a hole in the floor, and moans, “You don’t need to. ‘a complicated divorce! All you need is a man on a horse!

Later, at a party attended by both Di (Jeanna de Waal) and Camilla Parker Bowles (Erin Davie), the high profile crowd said, “I just got a ticket to the main event. ! He’s a Thrilla in Manila but with Diana and Camilla!

This is the stuff of legend.

When Broadway buffs discuss the flop posters on Joe Allen’s wall, they point the finger at the usual delinquents: “Lestat”, “Carrie the Musical”, “Moose Murders”, “Lennon”. But none of these losers ever had the stroke of genius to make Thrilla, Manila and Camilla rhyme.

The show is a scream – and pairs better with rosé than any starter could ever hope for.

Part of what makes “Diana” so high is that the talent is top notch (“Diana” Marketers, cut any quotes out of context you want. You’re going to need them.); the production value is impressive (William Ivey Long’s ornate costumes are a Di-light); and that’s taken more seriously than “60 minutes”.

I watched “Diana” from start to finish three times. A friend who was cackling with me – the Statler at my Waldorf – texted me saying this was “required vision for the industry.”

He is right. Everyone is already playing the musical – directed by Christopher Ashley from “Come From Away,” which is way better – and the newly reopened waterholes around Shubert Alley are full of nasty whispers.

In the film “Amadeus”, after the unexpected death of Mozart, the gossip and suspicious Viennese sing “Salieri!” ” in the street. Meanwhile, the word on Broadway is “Diana!”