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With help, I could understand at what school the boy was visiting the Washington area. When I called her manager she was disconcerted. Her student might be disturbing in clbad, she said, but he did not look sad.
I was not surprised. In early adolescence, depression may look like rabies or irritability or be confused with normal mood swings. She acted quickly to make sure the student was safe. At a time when disease control and prevention centers are reporting a sharp rise in the suicide rate among 10-14 year olds, educators leave nothing to chance.
"When we talk about teen suicide, we talk half-time about depressed children and impulsivity," said Ken Ginsburg, pediatrician of adolescent development at Children's Hospital. from Philadelphia. Founder of the Communication Center for Parents and Teens. "Children of this age can not express their pain as clearly as older adolescents, their peers are less mature and can not recognize the signs, and they do not want to be fashionable."
All of this together, and it's easy to see why parents may be the last to know that their child is suffering, says Christina Conolly, director of psychological services for Montgomery County Public Schools.
Teenage children are far less likely to commit suicide than adults, but they are not immune to a national increase in the number of suicides over the past two decades. The CDC reports that between 1999 and 2017, the suicide rate among boys aged 10 to 14 rose from 1.9 suicide per 100,000 people to 3.3. For girls, the number of suicides almost tripled from 0.5 per 100,000 to 1.7. Researchers recently reported in Pediatrics that, while 50% of parents are unaware that their 11-17 year olds have suicidal thoughts, younger teens are more likely than older teens to deny their pain.
To bridge the gap, Conolly implemented the Suicide Prevention Program this year at all colleges in his district. Students learn to recognize signs of depression, take care of friends in distress, and share their concerns with adults.
As depression and anxiety skyrocket, communities are struggling to meet the needs of children with limited resources. Here are six ways for parents and schools to work together to cope with soaring suicides.
1. Maintain open communication
Two-way communication is essential, but it can be thwarted by logistical and emotional barriers. Educators may feel ill-equipped to help students in distress or fear calling home without having to worry about their studies. To improve their comfort, many schools now offer teachers training in mental health.
A program, Youth Mental Health First Aid, has partnered with Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation to teach school staff to "recognize the signs of a mental health or addiction crisis, initiate a conversation and connect young people to professional help and community resources, "says Betsy Schwartz, who oversees the National Council's Behavioral Health Program.
Even teachers who intervene easily are pressed for time. "I want our children's needs met, but I also want people to understand what teachers do every day," said Traci Townsend, principal of Silver Creek Middle School in Kensington. Parents can help. To improve the dialogue, report that you are willing to hear disturbing news about your child.
"The adoption of an accusatory or defensive stance will prevent sharing of vital information, such as the ups and downs of the youth's mood, the concerns expressed by his peers and the changes in performance A student's school, which can be essential for ensuring student safety, and ensuring that the treatments work as they should, "says psychologist Lisa Damour, author of" Under Pressure: Facing the Future ". 39, epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls ".
Transparency is essential at the college, says Amy Morin, social worker, author of "13 things that mentally strong women do not do".
"When we need the most eyes and ears on the ground, communication really falls," she says. "Send an email to the school and say:" Everything seems to be fine, but what do you see? " "Be proactive and alert the school when your child needs more support, than it's mourning, adapting to a change in family structure or of depression.
Susan Levine, Resource Advisor at Silver Creek, sees a shift towards greater openness, but it comes with a twist. "Parents are more honest, but children are less resilient," she says. "If a child friend says 20 nice things and a bad one, we can spend a whole day repairing it."
2. Prioritize self-directed play
As recess decreases and tests increase, mental disorders in children increase, says Peter Gray, professor-researcher at Boston College and author of "Free to Learn: Why Free the Playing Instinct?" will make our children happier and more empowered -Elegants and better students for life. "The cause and effect should be obvious, he notes. "Life without play is depressing."
"Children are almost like prisoners today," he says. "They are constantly being watched, their sense of control over their lives has diminished and this predisposes them to depression and anxiety." Instead of just playing, they are often placed in conditions of competition and anxiety such as trying to win a place in a team or win a game.
Gray co-founded Let Grow with Lenore Skenazy, founder of Free-Range Kids, to help communities prioritize the game. Michael Hynes, superintendent of schools in Patchogue-Medford School District in New York, now offers elementary and high school students high school one hour of independent play before school. "It's the closest thing to a miracle solution that I have ever seen for more than 20 years serving school children," he says. "Children are less anxious, upset and depressed."
Parents can help change the tide. Advocate for more school recreation and give priority to unstructured games at home. Organize weekend parties and coordinate with neighbors so kids can play at the same time.
3. Identify the aids
To normalize the help seeking behavior, ask the children to name silently the adult they would contact in case of a crisis. When I do this with my college students, I invite all those who are perplexed to come meet me. Volunteer educators can also identify themselves as helpers. Teachers may need additional support, but Morin urges them not to send a student to their counselor alone. For starters, the American School Counselor Association reports an average ratio of students to school counselors of 406 to 1, so they may not even know that person. "They may not know what to share, so take them there and say," That's what I hear, "Morin said. "It's powerful for a teacher to say:" I really know this kid, he's not a complainant, and here's some background. " "
Parents can also make an effort to become a trusted adult in the lives of their child's friends. Ask questions and show genuine interest in their well-being. If your own child is suffering, tell him that he is not alone. Ginsburg recommends saying: "I feel really uncomfortable and I need you to know that this is not necessarily the case.You deserve to feel better, you can get better. and I will be at your side. "
4. Sweat the little things and big things
The concern of a child may seem exaggerated, but take it seriously anyway. College students have intense emotions but few prospects. "It's easy for them to imagine that every circumstance is an emergency," says Ginsburg.
That said, some experiments should lift the red flag. Bullying, for example, is closely linked to suicidal ideation and attempts, says Sameer Hinduja, co-director of the Center for Cyberbullying Research and Professor of Criminology at Florida Atlantic University. Listen to your children, validate their experiences and involve them in problem solving. "Well-meaning parents and educators need to avoid secondary victimization by reacting noisily or incompletely when a teenager or teenager invokes enough courage to tell them what is happening in the first place," he says.
Stay calm, engaged and non-critical. "If a child says," I hate myself and I want to die, "do not answer:" But you are so good and so good, "says psychologist Mary Alvord, author of" Conquer Negative Thinking "for teens." "Shoot from them," What did you do right this month? "Make choices:" Have you been kind to people? Were you a loving or helpful son or girl? "
Alvord created the Resilience Builder program, which is being implemented in several schools in the district and Maryland, to reinforce children's sense of purpose. "We could say, imagine you did not have a good test and you're really upset," she says. "We explain that if you're reactive, you tear up the paper or cry, if you're pbadive, you hold it back, which does not make it disappear, but if you're proactive, you ask: Can I study more? next time? "At home, ask your child," What can you control and what should you let go? How can you take initiatives? "
5. Strengthen children's sense of belonging
When students leave elementary school, they exchange the constancy of a tenured teacher against a renewable composition of educators. "They may be feeling progressively away from school staff at a time when they more than ever need nonparental adults," says Robert Dodd, director of Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda. .
In response, some schools give priority to building relationships. Montgomery County's White Oak and Argyle Colleges have implemented Project Success to allow some Grade 6 students to spend half of each school day with an intact teacher and peer group. The data shows that it works incredibly well, says Dodd, who founded the program after many years as a middle school director. "These kids are more likely to feel that their teachers are valuable to them and that their peers want to help them."
The care starts at the top and is contagious, says Townsend. "When you feel your colleagues care about you, you pbad it on to the children, you are more likely to sit next to that child in the cafeteria who is alone and say," What are you doing – where is all the world? "It's care."
Parents can also help strengthen links with the community. Get to know other families in the school and enter into an information exchange pact, whether you know the child is giving away valuable items, commenting on dying or disengaging from friends, as many signs of serious problems.
6. Encourage children to take care of each other
College students may think they are bad friends if they reveal that a peer is out of step. "We give them permission and tell them that it's more important to save someone's life," Conolly said. "We say, put down your phone, talk to them, tell them that you want the best for them and that you will ask for help." "Parents can give the same advice.
Children may even commit to prioritizing emotional health, says consultant Mimi Darmstadter, chair of the Stressbusters Committee at Walt Whitman High School. The PTSA subcommittee coordinated with school officials the distribution of "Oath of Welfare" cards that each student can sign. Dodd says he hopes to duplicate efforts in the primary and primary schools of the group and that parents will be able to do the same exercise at home. Ask your child how he plans to take care of himself and others. Then model personal care and self-compbadion in your own life, and verbalize any strategies you use to deal with frustration, sadness or disappointment.
"Parents and schools need to work closely together to badess common standards of parenthood," said Dodd. "Are we completely performance oriented or are we modeling empathy, resilience and well-being?"
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This article was written by Phyllis L. Fagell, Washington Post specialist.
Fagell is the school counselor of Sheridan School in Washington, a therapist of the Chrysalis group in Bethesda and the author of "Middle School Matters".
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