Is it important if your child is a tough eater?

At the time, at home, the grocery store is a relatively simple affair, largely because there is little that my 4 year old is eating. He rotates a few breakfast options (oatmeal, cereal, yogurts, pancakes if I prepare them) and basically wants the same five-course foods well-divided into his green bento box for each lunch.

At dinner, he is a little more open to different foods, but goes through phases in which he asks for the same meal, night after night, week after week, until he moves on. It's even difficult when it comes to junk food. He will eat a Cheeto, but no other chips. He likes chocolate ice cream and vanilla with rainbow splashes. Thank you very much, but it will rarely tolerate chocolate (or ice cream, for that matter) in another form.

This has been essentially the case since we began to introduce solid foods at 6 months of age. When he encountered a taste or texture that he did not like, he did not just wince or spit; he would have pulled out his tongue dramatically, glaring at my husband or me with a mixture of resentment and tiny baby rage.

I certainly think of him as a tough eater, but I'm less clear about how he compares to other kids his age – and I'm curious to know my own guilt in all of this. Did I totally mess it up? Do I miss him by not pushing him to enlarge his palace? And is all this important in the long run?

I'm barely alone. According to one study, half of the parents of two-year-olds said their children were difficult to eat. (What about this other 50%?! Who are these unicorn toddlers ?!)

Here's what the experts told me about all this.

One of the main problems with this topic is that there is no clear standard that if your child eats less than a certain number of foods – or XYZ behaviors at XYZ age – it is difficult to eat or selective eater, according to Dr. Stephanie Lee, Senior Director of ADHD and the Behavior Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute.

"When a family enters [with concerns about selective eating]In general, I'll start by asking, "Does your child eat a few different starches, a few different proteins, some fruits, and some vegetables?" Said Lee to HuffPost. "I also want to know: 'Is it problematic for your family? Are you unable to go to the restaurant? Can not your child go to friends? "

It is not uncommon for parents to feel that they sometimes prepare different meals for their children, but that can be a sign of problematic boredom if it happens so much more often, says Lee.

The subjectivity of all of this is harsh, echoed by Alisha Grogan, a registered pediatric occupational therapist whose website Your Kids Table focuses on delicate and sensory eating issues. Some parents will say that their child is difficult if he does not like vegetables. For other parents, a difficult child is a child who may be eating five foods and gags if the wrong thing is put in front of them.

In Grogan's mind, a picky average eater could stick to about 25 or 30 foods that he will eat most of the time, but even that threshold is fluid (that's why she does not usually use the term punctilious). One complicating factor: Toddlers and preschoolers usually eat very well during a meal or two, and then completely get away for the next four or five.

"I'm getting more concerned about what I call" extreme "tough eaters," said Grogan. "I consider an eater extremely difficult as a child who has less than 15 to 20 foods in his diet. And they usually have an emotional reaction when they are encouraged to eat something different. "

It turns out that there is an evolutionary explanation for food delicacy – at least partially. Children have been programmed to dislike bitter-tasting foods as a source of survival, to prevent them from eating dangerous things. "A piece of broccoli is very different on the tongue of a 2-year-old," Grogan said.

But that's not a complete explanation. Nature and culture come into play. For example, research suggests that there may be a genetic component in the delicate diet. Parent modeling plays an important role. (If your child sees that you only eat the same repetitive food, he can do the same.)

Control is another factor. Toddlers, who are notorious jolts at mealtimes, have so little control over their day. Refusing food is one of the few ways in which they can express their autonomy.

Then there is the element of attention. "When kids do not eat, they often get a lot of extra attention," Lee said. Even if this attention is negative, they can always dream about it. And obtaining it can help reinforce selective eating behavior.

Lee and Grogan both insist that parents who are concerned about their child's diet, weight or growth should immediately see a doctor. The diet is complex and may be related to medical and psychological issues.

"If you've ever tried to fix it at home," said Lee, "and there seems to be a little more, you need to talk to your child's pediatrician. You may need to talk to a nutritionist or behavior therapist. "

If your child's pediatrician is disdainful, but your instincts tell you something worse is going on, insist on getting a second opinion. Lee – who as a psychologist focuses on the development and behavior of all this – says that more difficult difficult eaters could be dealing with motor or sensory problems, for example. Research has also linked difficult choices, anxiety and depression, although the relationship is not necessarily causal.

Again, the good news is that serious problems are relatively rare. The same study, which looked at difficult choices, anxiety and depression, found that about 20% of children ages 2 to 5 who participated were what the researchers called "selective consumers". But only about 3% were considered "extremely selective".

And there is no magic age where everything should be settled. A study conducted in 2015 in the Netherlands revealed that the difficult consumption reached its maximum at 3 years and had dropped (but by no means disappeared) to 6 years, but nothing was fixed in stone.

"There is no specific age where we can say that the relevance of development has changed," Lee said. "If your child starts school and can not eat other snacks that kids eat; if they do not want to go to a birthday party or play date because they are afraid of eating nothing, it's time to think that parents may want to talk to them . "

Unfortunately, there is no scientific manual on how to tackle difficult choices, but research is clear on what is not work: put pressure on children.

"We found that after one year of life, weight remained stable on the growth curve, whether they were difficult or not," said Julie Lumeng, director of the Center for Human Growth and Development. of the University of Michigan and author of a study conducted in 2018 on the effect of parental pressure on difficult consumers, said in a press release. "The delicate feeding of children was not very variable either. Whether or not parents have exerted pressure on their difficult consumers remains unchanged. "

And "putting pressure" on your child does not just mean screaming or forcing him to eat everything he has on the table; it's often much more subtle than that. "I think it's a pressure every time we beg, ask or encourage them to eat," Grogan said.

Small preliminary studies suggest that there is a kind of window of magic flavor, usually when children are between 4 months and a year old, when they can be more open to new foods and tastes. And that could influence their opening on the road. (Although many parents have praised baby-led weaning as a way to promote healthy weight and openness to new foods, there is little research to support this.)

Repetition is another key. Pediatricians and experts often say that children must be introduced to a food at least 15 times before they want to eat it. Cooking with children can also help. At least one small study has shown that it can increase children's openness to vegetables.

Fortunately, experts point out that, in most cases, the delicacy of eating is not a significant health issue. Take my son (probably). He does well on growth charts, he eats more than 30 dishes, but not much more, and although he often panics when I ask him to try something new, this is not in some way, in my opinion, a more serious underlying problem.

Lee suggests that parents like me spend a little bit of time understanding what's important to us about our children's nutrition and what our goals are. Do I want him to try more food? Do you sit for a whole meal at the table? Once parents are clear, it's time to try strategies such as positive ways to introduce new foods or basic repetitions.

Grogan admits that difficult meals are not usually a major problem that lasts a lifetime, even if she has stories about her lasting impact.

"I have certainly had painfully sad comments from adults who have left messages on my site about how they would like help," she said. "They want to eat other things and feel like they can not." Lee echoes the habits kids develop when they're young – again, it's still, but not always – that they continue to age.

You'll have your chicken fingers with a kohlrabi side tonight, kid!