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When Noah Moskin and Maya Grobel learned that they could not conceive naturally, they grabbed a camera and filmed their experience to defeat infertility and start a family.
Noah Moskin and Maya Grobel met at the university during the movie clbad, fell in love and got married. At the time of starting a family, they tapped into their fondness for film and began recording their experience.
"We started by asking ourselves [sharing] how we felt, "Moskin told Healthline.
Because their journey to parenting took longer than expected, the couple found themselves with hundreds of hours of filming that they turned into documentary "One More Shot."
The film reveals raw and personal details of their experience of infertility.
"It seemed powerful to create something that could connect with people in such an intimate way and normalize the different ways that families get together," Grobel told Healthline.
After a year and a half of trying to conceive naturally, at the age of 32, Grobel was diagnosed with decreased ovarian reserve. This means that the number and quality of her eggs were below expectations for her age.
According to the New York Center for Fertility for Human Reproduction, about 10% of uteri have a diminished ovarian reserve.
"Having a baby was not negotiable for me. It was not an option for me to be childless, so I had this intense desperation of [figuring out] how am I going to have a baby, "she says. "Since my body did not create the ingredients to do it, [all I could think about] was how else are we going to do that. "
The couple decided to try in vitro fertilization (IVF). This procedure involved extracting the Grobel eggs from the uterus and combining them with Moskin's sperm to create embryos. The embryos would then be transferred to Grobel's uterus in the hope that she will become pregnant.
However, the couple's embryos were not viable to continue the procedure.
By sharing their grief in the documentary, Grobel and Moskin hope to eliminate the stigma that surrounds infertility.
"The language around fertility is not positive. People will say "I failed with IVF". This is how the industry talks about it. It's not meant to shame people, but there's this general feeling that something is wrong with me, I'm broken, "said Grobel.
After their first IVF attempt, the couple sought the help of Grobel's sister, who agreed to donate eggs. When the procedure did not work, Grobel and Moskin began looking for other options.
During their research and in the film, they interviewed several couples who shared their stories of adoption, oocyte donation, surrogacy, and so on.
"The more people I met, the more I realized that our story was just another version of many, and that many people did not feel heard," Grobel said. "The more I looked at the situation, it became clear that there were options and we could be optimistic."
Along with hope, each option has also led to increased financial pressure.
"You're trying to have a family and it's hard to put a dollar amount on it. Money is a source of stress for most people, then you take into account the cash value of having a child and it's more stressful, "said Moskin.
The couple spoke to families who spent $ 250,000, took out a second mortgage, and took out loans to have a child.
"When you spend all that money, it's a gamble. If you do a procedure and it does not work, you start from scratch, "said Moskin.
Navigating the cover with insurance companies adds extra stress.
Dr. Gloria Richard-Davis, Director of Reproductive Endocrinology and Sterility at the University of Arkansas Medical Sciences and author of "Planning Parenthood", typically explains that a financial scrutineer from the doctor's office informs patients what is covered and what is not.
However, she suggests that patients check the information with their insurance company.
"I recommend communicating in writing with your insurance company. We found, depending on the agent answering the phone, that the answer to the question changes. So, document. Once you know what is covered or not, the center can give you an estimated cost of your treatment, "Richard-Davis told Healthline.
She also advises you to have a frank discussion with your doctor about your financial means.
"Some companies fund fertility treatments, so ask questions. Some of my patients have family members who contribute. In the long run, the investment is worth it, "said Richard-Davis.
Grobel and Moskin were surprised by the number of procedures and tests not covered by insurance.
"We always knew it was expensive, but we were blown away by its price. Infertility is a medical diagnosis and the fact that insurance companies do not cover the invalid in some way, "said Grobel. "We had to pay for basic blood tests. My ovaries are part of my body, so why is it elective? "
During their four year journey towards parenting, Grobel said that acceptance of the unknown was the most difficult.
"I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I was handcuffed to my ovaries. I was not supposed to practice at [certain] time. I was following a strict diet with my acupuncturist. It took my life. I felt like a patient of pillow fertility, not a person in the world, "she said. "But wondering and not knowing if I was pregnant was the most stressful one."
For Moskin, the desire to solve their problems weighs the heaviest.
"If it is not your body that suffers the trauma, you want to repair it and know how to solve it. It was really frustrating not being able to solve it. You can not simply fix it yourself or hire a mechanic. We tried and tried and we could not fix it, "said Moskin.
To cope with stress during his trip, Moskin has embarked on rock climbing and camping.
"I put myself in situations where I could not think of anything other than what was right in front of me. So, if it was climbing, I did not want to fall, so I was not thinking about our next doctor's appointment, "he said.
The creation of the film was also cathartic for him.
"I would do my day job and I would go home at night to edit. And it made me distinguish what was emotional or important for us in the present moment and what could be a good scene, "he said.
When her sister was undergoing procedures to become an egg donor, Grobel took clbades to become a yoga teacher.
"I took this clbad because my body no longer needed me the same way," said Grobel.
In addition to their individual physical efforts, the couple took the time to have fun together, such as attending baseball games, concerts or comedy shows.
"It was important to be able to live a little and take care of each other without feeling obliged to feel better. When we went out, we gave them times when we could not talk about fertility, "said Grobel.
Richard-Davis agrees with their coping strategies. She also suggests looking for a mind-body connection.
"I recommend to many patients yoga, meditation, exercise. Some apps guide you through deep breathing and relaxation exercises. The VA has developed an app with Stanford and other academic centers called CBT-I (cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia) that guides you through exercises that calm your mind, "she said. declared.
Managing other social situations and friendships was another area in which Moskin and Grobel had to work.
"I had friends who had eight children while we were going through this ordeal and I would keep my distance from them. You have to fight self-preservation and do not put yourself in situations in which you do not feel comfortable, "Moskin said. "But you must also understand that if your friends have children, it's not an insult to you."
Grobel says she liked it the most when a friend offered empathy.
"When people give advice, it does not help. The best thing a friend can do is recognize what you are going through and not understand it. Say, "I know it's really hard for you. I do not know the details of the sensation, but I'm here, it's perfect. "
In February 2014, Grobel became pregnant by donating embryos. A frozen embryo, produced by another couple during their IVF four years ago, was successfully implanted in Grobel.
Grobel and Mika's daughter, Mika, was born on March 20, 2015.
They hope that sharing their journey will reduce the feelings of isolation, shame or stigma often badociated with infertility and will highlight the multiple pathways leading to parenthood.
Davis agrees with their message of hope.
"I encourage my patients not to stop before success. This may require several attempts or move to more aggressive therapy, "she said. "It's usually possible to get pregnant, [although] all options are not acceptable or affordable for everyone. "
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