Why I risked my sanity to cure acne while taking Roaccutane – The Sun

While walking in the airport with my friend Charlotte, I noticed a man watching us. Then he announced aloud that Charlotte was "much more beautiful" than me because she was "fresh-faced", whereas I was "covered in slap".

He did not know that my face was covered with thick makeup because I had severe acne. The mere look in my eyes left me embarrbaded by my face, but his words destroyed all confidence in me that remained.

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In adolescence, my skin was flawless and my friends and family told me how lucky I was. I used all the facial cleanser that was hanging around. It's only when I moved to London in May 2014, at the age of 23, that a lot of painful, itchy red patches formed on my jaw and my chin. Each morning, a new zit arrived and after three months, my face was covered.

I did not know if it was the pollution or stress of urban life that was causing the outbreak, but I felt really embarrbaded and unsure of myself. Worried that people think it was because I was dirty, I tried to cover my spots with heavy bases and a concealer, but I knew that they were always noticeable.

When I looked in the mirror, I felt so ugly and one morning in September 2014, I broke down. In tears, I told my roommate Delia how badly I felt and that I did not even want to leave the house unless I put on trowel makeup. I knew it could not be good for my skin, but I was so ashamed of my appearance – something I had never felt before.

She tried to rebadure me that it was not as bad as I thought, but I knew it. To make matters worse, I had just dated a girl after a breakup. I often canceled appointments if I had a push, lest they be disgusted by my skin. If I looked at myself in a mirror, I was horrified, so why would not they feel the same?

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But when this stranger commented on my skin makeup when Charlotte and I were about to go on vacation in Croatia in July 2015, I became determined to act. So, once at home, I started ridding myself of gluten and dairy products, making my own skincare products from natural oils and honey, and browsing the Internet to find cures ". But nothing worked and everything seemed so desperate.

In desperation, I went to see my GP a few months later, who put me on contraceptive pills to fight acne. As my skin lightened, I gained half a stone in a few weeks and felt more moved than usual. I stopped taking it after six months.

During this period when my skin was perfectly clean, my self-confidence skyrocketed and I started going out with a guy called Mark, whom I had met on a dating app. Feeling at ease in my skin, I let him see me without makeup, and it was such a relief to not have to worry about his reaction.

I hoped the stains would stay away for good, but my acne came back three months after getting out of the pill.

Previously, it was unsightly white heads, but this time it was like an itchy rash on my cheeks with cysts all over my face. I felt so bad that I would not let Mark see me without makeup and stop going out with him or my friends. With confidence at a low ebb, our relationship collapsed in May 2016.

I started doing exercise obsessively, going to the gym five times a week. If I could not control my skin, I would try to make myself beautiful in different ways. For those who did not know me, it would seem that I had an orderly life – but unfortunately, it was all but that.

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After five months, when a particularly serious problem had not gone away, I consulted a dermatologist in April 2017. She told me that I had a severe form of acne that could cause scarring and even prescribed an antibiotic treatment of four months.

These seem to work for a while, but it was said that I would probably never be released from acne if I took Roaccutane, a controversial acne medication. I had heard about side effects ranging from dry skin to depression and suicidal thoughts.

In 2011, the 24-year-old Briton Jesse Jones committed suicide while taking this drug. She was reportedly linked to 20 suicides in the UK between 2012 and 2014. But other users have dubbed it a miracle cure, posting before and after photos on social networks. media.

I could not bear the thought of spending the rest of my life with acne. Despite the warnings, I was treated in August 2018. At that time, I saw Talal, 31 years old. Since we met in May, I'm I never let him see me without makeup, so he encouraged me to do everything that made me happy.

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I felt the effects of the drug almost immediately. I had nausea during the first few weeks and my back and knees ached all the time. My skin and eyes instantly became dry and itchy and I developed rashes on the fingers and hands. I had started taking a low dose of 20 mg a day, but when the dermatologist doubled it, which is common, eye infections and nausea worsened.

The only thing that prevented me from giving up was that in one month, the redness was lessening and my skin was already clearer.

I had been told to cut alcohol on Roaccutane (there is a risk of liver damage), but naively I did not take the warnings seriously. After a glbad of prosecco on Christmas day, I vomited and it was only then that I stopped. The nights have changed – after weeks spent planning parties with friends, I ended up losing my temper after realizing that drunk people are not very fun if you're sober.

Meanwhile, the dermatologist was watching me closely because the drug could cause birth defects. I had the reel adjusted and I had to prove that I was not pregnant before taking my monthly prescription. Fortunately, I did not have any negative effects on my mental health, but it was still a lot to handle. I worried about the long-term effects that Roaccutane could have on my body and Talal felt the consequences. Whenever I felt depressed or had pain, I thought it was caused by drugs.

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